xxx
on some deleted poem
20 Nov 2003, 1:55 PM
Me too!
5? i need 10!
don't be a fool! sympatriate, man!
A good story. I know what you mean about the rock collectors, I once worked at a gymnasium that they rented for one of their conferences, weird bunch they are, they'll talk both ears off if you don't think of a good excuse to get away fast. This reminds me of an interesting adolescent fiction novel called Holes that I just read with one of my child clients.
A better edit.
unguarded.
it never stops with five.
GOod Shieet!!!
Best war poem I've read in a while. Your development becomes you.
The only thing I don't like about this is its' quasi-repetetive nature. I thumbed through your file. Write more please.
Can visualize the scene very well. Good job! =D
yes. Also: when the ache of ancestors happens before death, cattyness can be cancelled and life dictated, instead.
bravo.
P.S. Sorry to lead you on. I'm no collegiate.
like it, can you get up to Z???
I think this would be even better if you lost the last two stanzas - they sound prosaic and tie down the poem when it could really fly with the suggestive itch at the end. I like the rhyme of 'audacity' and 'capacity', I'd like to see more of that and less spelling of things out. I wonder if you lack confidence in your ability to make your meaning plain?
OK this is much better, witty, tender and evocative. Yip, I like this, top stuff.
the following don't rhyme: start/star; romance/occupants; would; hollywood
another revision may be in order.
Huh, that was a neat hybrid.
Cracking
Werewolving my tears
back at the moon. I race through thickening
changings and habits too sooned.
class !
"Raising the ground yet further from God." Brilliant.