kingit
on some deleted poem
3 Dec 2003, 11:16 PM
magnificent meatpipe!
Probably really good! 10!
I would put "evolution by war" in the piece somewhere, and end at "natural selection".
Procrastination was as far as I could get, and I figured, the best place to stop.
Twisted Wizard poop.
God wants you to make a lemming and sink you constipated bowl of godsoaked goat pellets.
A brave thought timmy. A brave thought indeed.
HAHA this made me laugh lol.I'll give you a 9.
""I'am"" lol.
My name's Orson. I'm a Butcher.
thank you for the break-down. Must remember not to forget...scintillating!
when i read the title i thought "scissorman" but anyway, yeah i like this ^_^
I dont think pedophilia or bestiality are jokes either... doing something like that takes a heinously sick mind...
but the poem is good ^_^
Decent enough.
A sorrowful sentiment - but there is truth in it.
I'm torn whether to crit on the simplicity of it - the easy idiom with blue moon, the telling not showing...
but you know what? the effect is to add to the sense of ennui. The title even adds to the defeated/deflated realism.
I've done maybe a half dozen poems with a similar theme and really they all boil down to the same thing; they boil down to this.
So - have an 8 and keep writing.
What you have here is a list of poems that are waiting for you to write (God told me to tell you that - that, and "tell him to wash his Me-damned socks").
I used to do more of this "mouthpiece of God" thing, but there's no prophet in it.
Like the line spacing, and it certainly reads well. Quite cold/ clinical even. Always beware of pop psych cliches though for they are the worst kind.
ok the first half if not a little confusing. The number of images drag the reader about too much. The second part you seem to be writing about yourself for some reason, did you get bored of the paedophilia thing.