richa
on Da Ghetto by <{Baba^Yaga}>
11 Jan 2004, 12:02 PM
Like it, think the end of verse one should be 'all fuckin illiterut' or 'all fuckin idiots'
Like the sentiment of that line, rings true.
lol.
Always like this kind of style, the rushedness of it all and then the final line that stops the poem dead.
Doesn't need the lines though (that may just have been so p/r didn't get the format wrong).
Woah, pass me a cracker.
A furor like sedative? both words are kind of opposites.
Likewise trust your belly button is daft.
Other than that love the rhythm and rhyme (although to please the purists perhaps it should make more sense in places)
Yes. I feel better already.
A centiturd.
Not bad this, a bit short. Not enough for me to know what you mean by 'comforting touch on my breast' - is it sarcastic? I'm thinking so or do you like strangers? they are a stranger right?
have you heard tom waites "what's he building in there"? you'll love it. 10.
Could you possibly sharpen a telephone pole into a giant toothpick and semi truck it through your twat?
ha ha ha ha lol. This is some retarded whore shit right here. You're probably on your 7th cock sandwich too. it is the time to see the gynocologist fucking bivulvanating trollip. lol. I'll give a three for making me chuckle though. You've obviously never been to the big city doll. they do this 24-7, it's always the time. This sounds like some shit my rank mother would write before squatting on a donkey for a line of coke.
very short, good nonetheless, I do like elongated poems. I think you get to feel the texture of words like cycloptic and billowing/ black better
Didn't get through the first line, as usual.
If you had guts you'd gut yourself like a Samuari and shut your hole.
Your brains high on hamster. You obviously should pull a condom over your head and making a running jump for it.
Maybe you'll win the lottery! 0
The only thing I'd change is belly button. too silly for a serious piece. And generally speaking, hacks have no idea what assonance and alliteration are. Now tuck, Nip.
"crying their history in the orbs of my eyes" Orbs bugs me. It's like saying the eyes of my eyes. Easy fix.
This is beautiful...intimate and subtly sexy.