DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 79168

Malaysia

by Crakyamuni

Member since 2002 · Posted 10 Jan 2004 · Edited 3 Jan 2005 · 11 comments

Mostly managed to chew the chum, misinterpreted nostalgia or dignity for some Elegant denizens of the fifth layer celibate, repent and send messages with a furor like sedatives disdain for the tenement left me empty and innocent but I felt so far away from my lovers and miscreants This is not fantasia, or south central asia, and how can I express the pulse of Malaysia? but as a wayward third word, twice past the oppression, repenting and venting the last one's trangressions

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mean 3.00 weighted 4.91 rank 9717 views 235 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

11 comments

[9] zodiac 10-Jan-04/5:13 PM Reply
Celibate. Otherwise it's all good.
[n/a] Crakyamuni › zodiac 10-Jan-04/5:58 PM Reply
Thanks so much. I totally overlooked that one!
[8] little_big_nose 10-Jan-04/6:08 PM Reply
that made little-to-no sense to my eyes, great
[7] horus8 10-Jan-04/6:46 PM Reply
Jesus, your end chucks it? It was great until the last two lines? Do I have to teach you how to end a poem?
[n/a] Crakyamuni › horus8 10-Jan-04/7:57 PM Reply
The end is crap, I will be the second to say so. If you have "constructive" criticism, I'm all eyes. I'm really just a hack here horus. I paint and make shit. It sounds savage, but it is. The last lines were Casteneda influenced, but I'm no warrior. More of a dreamer. Or a drunkard.
[7] horus8 › Crakyamuni 11-Jan-04/12:31 AM Reply
Dude? It's not that bad! relax. I love casteneda but got very little from the last two lines. Consentrate, and relax and fix them. You'll do fine.
[8] INTRANSIT › horus8 11-Jan-04/7:18 AM Reply
You're scaring me Horus. Stop, or at least slow the mellowing process, please. Be a doll?
[9] SupremeDreamer › INTRANSIT 12-Jan-04/1:48 PM Reply
Even tigers sometimes purr.
[8] INTRANSIT 11-Jan-04/7:16 AM Reply
The only thing I'd change is belly button. too silly for a serious piece. And generally speaking, hacks have no idea what assonance and alliteration are. Now tuck, Nip.
[8] richa 11-Jan-04/12:08 PM Reply
A furor like sedative? both words are kind of opposites.

Likewise trust your belly button is daft.

Other than that love the rhythm and rhyme (although to please the purists perhaps it should make more sense in places)
[n/a] Crakyamuni › richa 3-Jan-05/4:16 PM Reply
whats your thought on the editing of recent?