spacing makes me a bit screwed up but then (I was always a bit so) what does it all mean? I guess I'll have to use your scale of measurement for such things.

not bad..heh funny last line.

you know, i noticed something like that too. hehe

the rhyme scheme is too forced and 'immature.' you expressed your sentiments just fine.

what can I say. Love your writing. Another great piece. (Er, can someone tell me just what a "pimple" is? LOL Thanks in advance). zodiac, you'd be great in that workshop i mentioned. Not interested...?

lol..oh man. kinda crude to poke fun at the 13 year old's attempt...but that was funny and you've definitely got talent. There's lots of good stuff in here. Thoroughly entertaining.

ah, my comments would fit right in there with the ones already given. Pretty good, though.

This reads well. Love S2. Good imagery. I like it.

Nice. I like this one.

The length and formatting of this piece make it rather intimidating to read. Eh, I don't know if intimidating is the right word. It just 'looks' like I would have a real hard time getting through it. But I read it anyway and a lot of the content is brilliant. Very unique and talented piece of writing, other than the aforementioned formatting problem :D I like this a lot though. I think most of the specifics I would have pointed out were already pointed out by zodiac. Otherwise, this is great. I really enjoyed it.

This is not up to par with the other stuff i've read of yours, but then again, it did accomplish what I see it was meant to, and you did give it your own unique twist. Cute.

You HAVE been reading Heaney! This is good. I don't mean it's good because it's Heaney or vice versa. It stands by itself, carries off the influence well, and has some memorable images. My one quibble: I would add something to "the sky touches the brim of my hat" to make the diction a little alien or arresting, so people don't gloss over it, which is what I see happening. As cheesy as it sounds, if you said something like "the sky touches on the brim of my hat" or perhaps even 'to', I think it would work. If you wonder about the 9, it's cause I don't think there's the density of idea and imagery here that you have in some of your others. That's a quibble and a personal thing, but as Shuushin would say, at least I didn't give you a zero.

well written with good imagery and a touch of humor...I like it.

Well-written. You created your own form, huh. Impressive. Really. Nice job.

I tried to find something to nitpick on this pome, but I can't (I'm not sure why I'm the only one who thinks it's a 10) Last line is killer. Ok, I found my nitpick, but it's only a personal preference: I prefer wouldn't to couldn't. I think your narrator's more a wouldn't leave than a couldn't leave.

This is the best - ABSOLUTE BEST - exploration of human themes I have ever read. Right from the startling use of 'strife' to rhyme with 'life', not to mention classic lines like 'And you thirst for the taste of free' or 'Somehow, you manage to never wear a frown', I knew I was in for a work of breathtaking genius. But it's your sublime turn of phrase - '...constantly haunt and loom around' is just one example - that ultimately sets you apart from other writers of your generation. You are a giant, and a genius. I would, however, like to suggest one minor edit, and, having made the necessary preparations, I would urge you to read it back to yourself and bask its terrifying splendour: change the last word to 'bum'

Should have listed this as lyric. Good for a religious childrens song book.

This poem is the evil that is America. Trite. Sentiment. Wrong. And yes, bum. I will give you 20 L sterling and a good shilling (ie, $32.50 or euros and shilling is a verb,) to not make your next post here in AABB rhyme.

Did you mean addiction to a prostitute?

Jesus loves me, this I ken / but Crystal loves agnostic men.