Christof
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2004, 7:31 AM
Nice
Rubbishy rubbish. -0-
I don't get the "we are not in ancient Rome" line. And it needs punctuation from the previous line. And I just don't get it. You could add another line after to clear that up a little. Until then -9-
"lifes'" is really "life's". And the stupid stage notes are just... stupid. And I'm not really that into poems about how crazy the author is. Read Catch-22. -10- <to keep you from sabotaging my hard-earned average ranking lol ;=-)> <>
Well, it's sort of clever and witty, but in the end, does it really say anything worth saying? This feels like it should be a scene in an angst-ridden indie comedy film, like Donnie Darko without the rabbit.
Very pretty. I don't get the ancient Rome bit either - is this an erudite allusion? If so, please enlighten us, I'm intrigued!
Holy crikey this is hard work, like a 21st century Arthur Hugh Clough. I think there's a novelist in you waiting to get out, rather thsn a poet.
1. I'm sorry, this poem has contravened that 1997 European Directiev outlawing the rhyming of 'bad/mad/sad' for at least another 4 centuries.
2. Honestly, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
This is loads better, evocative, precise, yearning and not prosaic at all (if still a little verbose).
Rockmage do you give everything a ten? Even when something is full of cliches, you praise it. Do you have any sense of critical distinction? Does this poem really make you feel the fear, terror etc of the narrator? If it did, it would deserve a ten. But it DOESN'T.
very funny i thought but liable to offend some people which is probably why i like it a lot..
Oh yes, most definitely. By an endless variety of meticulously conceived means, each more exquisite than the last, each going beyond what you thought the last time was surely the pinnacle.
Put an extra verse as the poem did not state the girl was making daisy chains on the grass, still.
'we are not in ancient rome' 'with chains and feet'? (two roman measures).
Should be reclassified a pimple for the line 'couldn't get your naked bod/ out of my mind'
Had me rolling around.
How hollow is thine head? Sweetmeats und bread.
Good for a one-armer.
Your keyboard is missing some words.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2004, 2:48 PM
A maudlin sentiment by a maudlin lil goblin.
My dripping facial tumors enjoy this one. They splutter their thanks.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2004, 2:53 PM
I'm in my closet draped with pepperminted drawers. My bibble smells of the glues of the Elders.