Blue Magpie
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2004, 11:00 PM
The metre is a bit ropey in places, S1L2, S3L2 S3L4, S4L3 and L4, and most S5 which is the worst in my view, but still it is nicely written.
A little repetitive in the message.
Hostile to my love.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2004, 2:54 PM
May I snap my fingers to this?
have you got any poems on All Poetry? i wouldnt mind reading some more of yours
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2004, 3:18 PM
I think there is a good wind through this poesie.
Buttery, lovely and locked up. Not unlike my buns!
And yet somehow it's still the same poem.
I don't know anyone who speaks in such a string of cliches as you write. I'm forced to conclude that you don't speak this way, either, if only because anyone who did speak this way would constantly be having heavy things thrown at him/her until he/she was either in a coma or otherwise prevented from posting on an internet poetry site. From this (admittedly tenuous) hypothesis, it follows that you must think there is a different kind of language used in poetry writing, which is entirely comprised of cliches, and that if you were to ever write something that wasn't entirely cliche (ie, something more like the original expressions people use in casual speech) it could not be properly termed a poem and your fragile construction of the universe with you as its central character and greatest poet would collapse around you like so many husks. But here's an idea: why not take a crack at original expression, CLS? It's not like you could get any more abused here.
Cristal, this is your best yet! well done. Congratulations.
btw, how do you get eyes to burn? I've tried a number of approaches and all they ever do for me is sputter and melt. I rarely even bother plucking them any more. I see you tried burning his hair too! Bet you won't do that again, lol! You're totally right, the smell just pervades everything. It won't go away for weeks -- poor you.
Darling, that illness sounds exactly like appendicitis! Get it checked right away, if it explodes you're in trouble!
eeenteresting...
I very much like the last stanza - the rest, though nicely said, doesn't say too much that is original.
Almost ironically demeaning it its mundaneness; near satire (would be a more interesting piece from that angle, would it not?)
Btw - have you studied the word "pretty"? It really is noteworthy.
You make me work so hard with your poetry.
I understand dandelions and litter (putting a flowerpot over them for extended cultivation).
and I can *almost* see your connections with the measure, the clock, the stepping; these incremental units.
They are, supposedly, linked somehow. You say "spriritual vs mathematic" - have you been reading Spinoza before bedtime again??? Maybe some Tipler?
For making me work -10-
"The covers stir over there sandwiched content."
nice!
(make it "their", though)
very passionate
10
nice..
POEMERANKER ALERT: USER HAS RHYMED 'love' WITH 'above'. ABORT ABORT ABO..... gggggfffpppt* -10-