Best line: "Fading fast and learning slow." S3 doesn't quite fit, seems to conflict with the chorus. I can picture this girl, and that makes it good poem.

The puffer fish I've seen while snorkeling in Hawaii swell up so their spines stick out and thereby become offensive to preditors, which doesn't quite match a girl's blushing cheeks. Maybe you are talking about another kind of puffer fish. A trout tossed on the bank does not seem like something a boy would resist in the way he might resist her dance. I think I see what you ar saying about the girl's attractiveness, but I wish the similis fit better into my understanding.

At least you're not worrying about being a fake any more. But you lack focus. Try to get a grip and write a cohereant something about this.

I Don't know whether to laugh or get mad. Shouldn't that be: "I was afraid you might spin me"

Ace, its about a child being pushed too high on a swing and falling off right?

Above/loves. Suggested revise: "She sucks me, fucks me, leaves me there, In a harness as she fists (or gloves) me."

My god. Zero. Terribly, earnestly zero. God, I do hate running across these witchy 'chaunts' here. "A new-forged ring," indeed. After reading this one, I find my ring enlarged by a magickal factor of 6.

at least you have a comment now...

nice... very nice. good one. this really speaks to me right now. thanks.

Verse 1 says that because I am old I have no sense. Verse 2 says that you, being younger, are superior. Verse 3 says absolutely nothing. Verse 4 says you will stay young and stupid forever. Brilliant!

As a man, I cannot help but give this a 10.

This is a good idea and a good poem. To be nitpicky, though, I think you mean Rorschach.

Now maybe you've swung too far into vagueness. That's ok, you seem to get better with each new poem.

if everyone is suggesting (and i'm new here totally loving this)... but i'd suggest "masquerades" or "will attire" although attires could be choppy. or maybe "ensembeles". i don't know. it does stick there but i get the point. depending on your delivery and all... could be just perfect the way it is. my two sense.

sorry - didn't like it. need to elaborate or something i think. diggin the concept but it didn't pack enough punch (in my very humble opinion). just being real. hope not to offend you know...

I think your previous work is better... you're trying too hard to be deep. Loosen up and let things flow; if they're deep they're deep, but don't force it :-)

Did you know that Foucault's first book was the "History of Sexuality?" Leave it to a French philosopher.

i may end it with one more line... something like "and back again." you started with a four line stanza and the rest were three liners. ending with a four, sandwiching the middle stanzans, may change the flow a little bit. something to try, can't hurt.

if you want a good personal perspective, position the speaker in a place where he sees a photograph of the man just buried. looking at something and recounting a memory from it, as well as the double use for being able to see his smile, can be very powerful with the right imagery. jumping on the bandwagon, 8

personalize it. we read this from a third person, omniscient perspective. switch into a character for a stanza and bring the reader in.