-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on do androids dream? by nentwined
22 Apr 2004, 10:21 AM
"The question 'Can machines think?' is as ill-posed and uninteresting as the question 'Can submarines swim?'" - Edsger Dijkstra
Complete genius. However, I would recommend changing "He's soiled" to "He soils". -9-
nice. are there going to be more lessons or is this a one time thing?
the beginning is what the rest of this should be like.
IT IS HEREBY DECREED THAT:
1. The phrase "five-star classy guy" is ferociously redolent of Milton Keynes circa 1988;
2. The phrase "pet peeve" is frighteningly reminiscent of Grimsby circa 1992;
3. The phrase "my self-esteem fluctuates" is disturbingly evocative of Hull circa 1998.
nice, but I do have a couple problems. Some of the rhymes sound forced and the ending is nothing special.
however, that jolting sensation? Where you smoothly rhyme two long lines, then go abruptly short? Don't change that.
"You want to smear excrement all
over
me and my mom, but
there is none to be found
at this hour."
But seriously ... I don't understand the idea of "smearing sunshine".
-10-
Is this poem based on your own personal experience?
Sweet. Pretty.
great
Zodiac, this is so weird. When did you write this? April 21, huh? I guess it must have been shortly before my Tribute To Edgar Allen Poe...that's a pretty fucking weird coincidence.
Jesu's Sandals are +2 against Ogres. I doubt you could afford them.
Hello Clara!
Welcome to Poemranker!
Thanks for posting such a great poem!
A/S/L?
The Rajah's Morning Movement by -=Dark_Angel=-
He strains;
His royal fruity gas is followed
By remains of what he last night swallowed:
Chilled monkey brains.
SEE - now thats a finish. Nicely done.
very cute :)
yes, succumb and come feels off.
_very_ sweet.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
22 Apr 2004, 10:04 AM
somewhat interesting.