zodiac
on death makes me vain! by SweetJuliet10
14 May 2004, 4:28 AM
Hey, wow! I can tell your contribution to poemranker is going to be valuable and interesting! Except for the fact that you're going to leave in a week without even bothering to change your username to 'Deleted User' when you find your poems can't receive any 'constructive criticism' here.
I read "my soldier/husband" as "my soldier and/or my husband". Am I to understand that you have your own soldier in addition to having a husband? How does that work, exactly? Is he an "Army of One"?
I suppose you might have meant "my soldier divided by my husband," but if you divide a soldier by a husband, what is the result? A bit of body armor, testosterone, and barely-concealed homoerotic tendencies over 1, I imagine.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on untitled: dedicated to my soldier/husband by SweetJuliet10
14 May 2004, 4:58 AM
Thoughts (Free verse) by nicole081083
As I lie here in my bed
Many thoughts run through my head
----------------------------------------
mmmm, familiarity breeds contempt? he hee
Stephen Robins
on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
14 May 2004, 5:14 AM
That is splendid.
So you have time to write that but no time for a mug of wallop later in inner temple?
You shameful fraud!
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
14 May 2004, 5:19 AM
I declare it to be the most whimsical jape of the season!!! -6-
zodiac
on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
14 May 2004, 5:19 AM
Ace!
Pure comedy gold!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Bill and Ted's: Enormously Mind-Numbing Adventure"
Where do you get all this great material from?!?!?!1
Nice, sparse - very much like the word "Sleam"
have you tried it without any punctuation?
very funny this one. Untitled, followed by a title.
if i had not read this, i would not believe that it could be written.
furious with god...always have memories....
really special. best poem i have read in a long time. -0-
INTRANSIT
on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
14 May 2004, 5:50 AM
s-6 L-1 hiccup. Nicely done.
take some tylenol, then take a class in English Fundamentals.
Since Sasha has a Villanelle up, I would recommend trying to reform this into one. Play with it. I like the content, but I think you could lose the (zen).
I'M GOING TO THROW YOU A LIFE PRESERVER!!! PUT IT ON!!!
Buy a copy of : Poetry for dummies. No, I'm not kidding. and some poetry to read. rummage through the section at the library for something you like. read. practice. Then rewrite this and do your Valiant husband the justice he deserves. Because, while heartfelt, this is not poetry. Most 'rankers will write 10 pieces, only one of which will be worth rewriting or posting. Get used to it. It's work.
Wow. I guess there really isn't enough room for I have a fat back. I thought bins were bigger. hmmm.
1) Where are you getting this stuff about Aboriginals dropping hints into abysses?
2) Why does everyone on this site insist on ending a metaphor with "but this is not [whatever the metaphor was]"?
3) I knew a guy who passed a pink coil once after drinking a hideous concoction of olive oil, grapefruit juice, and wormroot. Living in this part of the south you see that kind of thing pretty often.
4) Gravity doesn't do anyone's dirty work. Women work against gravity, which is defined as the inverse relationship between age and the distance separating a womans breasts from her knees.
5) Congratulations on not using an adjective noun title.
I always thought this use of "like" came from Australia. Did it migrate there from California or vice versa? Or did they emerge independently?
-6-