You asked me to give you my take on this poem, so here it is: The poem is mushy, dull, and whiny. It's another poem where the writer is "reaching out" for acceptance, understanding, and help- Such poems irritate me, and is the sort of thing that wiser poets avoid writing. Again you've labeled your poem as a lyric, and its not. If you disagree, then explain to me how, in any way, it can be a lyric and actually be sung along with music. Theres slight hic-ups in your use of the english language also, such as: 'Does the world have [the] time and patiences too see?' --Patiences? Whats the s for? Theres no plural form for the word patience, its singular. Also, its good to use articles in english (the, a, & an) so use them. In there line of work their the boss. I'm only paying the cost. When they decide to fire I suffer the lost. --They who? Seizures? Are they some wierd race that torture those that suffer from epilepsy? Do you work for them and recieve pay and suffer the loss of a paycheck if they fire you? Thats quite odd.. doesn't make much sense really, wouldn't you agree? So with that said, you'll understand my blessing of zero.

I know you're talking about stuffing someones dead body in a treehouse, but I keep thinking of a chimney with the line "up there". Heh. Just my twisted mind at play. I bless this poem with eight.

best poem i ever read, and every line rhymes with every other line. brilliant.

what is the point of all this? And why arnt i on there?

hello pall is me your old mate T69 see your still trying to wright peoms?!! althugh i hate to admit it this is quite good. 8/10

Brilliant

First, I think that you definitely need to get some more experience before you write something like this. It's a good sentiment but you're ruining it with your lack of style and understanding of how to write. Take the advice of SupremeDreamer.

This is better than the last one of yours that I read, but still, consider taking the advice in those comments.

How many people have you killed Shin Shuu (if that is, in fact, your real name)?

I like the way you have an incongruous lewd in the middle! It shows you have the guts to tell it like it is, and screw anyone who can't take the truth.

this makes me happy. :)

Not sure, maybe the surprise should come as the last line. In terms of the poem (not the form) the last two lines are kind of redundant.

You have perfected the art of appearing both irreverent and smug. Well done.

He was a fag you tit.

Shhhh...

Boom in

I see you're a comment eraser too. I hope you don't do that when you translate.

Delightful

again, I got the inside scoop and now understand the meaning behind the words. Great stuff

Pretty. I'd like it flow a little more - quite a few one line sentences and the many prepositions, articles and pronouns don't help the cause. Still, some lovely language in there.