the third stanza is um, no bueno, si? other than that, probably a 6 or 7.

I do like the imagery though, especially the foam spraying. 8

If she cooked the pancakes? mmm.

Great! I love it. Especially the way you closed it.

intense. truly stellar. 10

the very picture of "stellar".

the most stellar poetry i've ever read.

i like it

Good pace, very even throughout, except for the first two lines which stutter a bit. S4 L1, 2ps in hapiness. -7-

What do you call something too deep? Ah! Yes, I have found the ABYSS whence many a poem have perished within! -5-

Spell Check - no Grammar Check - no Content Check - no Why do you even bother, this must have been written in a matter of forty-five seconds. My shitty comment took longer than that. -2-

Great, biting end. Excelling imagery. Greetings from MacFan -9- *10*(He's really into animals)

When you get to Hell, say hello to Satan for me, will you? -1- (for effort)

yes mon. de badness of dis spelling approaches art, yet stops short of the goal and flagellates itself. (half of this thought brought to you by Sebastian de Crob)

five

Neato

That was easy

:O(

Is true, is true. [insert lenghthy diatribe about some tangentally related philisophical difference no-one will remember] I think the first person works pretty well - second person would probably not work at all... I wonder if third person would add anything?

cant - can't Your - You're the metaphors for clear are a bit simplistic, don't you think? And so many prepositional phrases, especially in the top half where you want substance - if you dump them you might find you have to do more showing, and that's not a bad thing. Maybe try the thing as third person; flesh out a character.