| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Apr-04/9:56 AM |
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I'm sorry, but this is prose with line-breaks.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Apr-04/10:02 AM |
Better. 8
Now the mad ocean breaks his teeth on stone
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Apr-04/10:05 AM |
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I'm not sure why, but the word "penumbrally" doesen't seem to work in its place when the stress is shifted over to the secondary accent for rhyme's sake
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Apr-04/10:27 AM |
You're quite right about that there, angst is all it is. I don't claim that it is anything else.
What prepositions exactly?
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| Re: THE BEST POEM EVER!!!!!! by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
17-Apr-04/11:31 AM |
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It's more fucked over than a whore at a bachelor party
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Apr-04/1:55 PM |
Maybe it's just me, or maybe I belong to a certain subset of readers that are just weird, or maybe what I'm about to say is actually a fair assessment.
This poem fails to make a single bit of sense.
But I'll give you a 5 for lunatic randomness
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| Re: гоÑÑдаÑÑÑва by Wobble McFly |
1-May-04/4:57 PM |
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ÐÑо оÑлиÑное ÑÑиÑ
оÑвоÑение. Ðне Ñадо бÑло видиÑÑ ÑÑиÑ
и напиÑанÑе на ÑÑÑÑком ÑзÑке.
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| Re: гоÑÑдаÑÑÑва by Wobble McFly |
1-May-04/5:23 PM |
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On second thought, I think I've seen this before. Or at least parts of it
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-May-04/5:26 PM |
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Il faut te dire que c'est bien traduit ainsi que tes propres poèmes sont bien éctrits.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-May-04/3:50 AM |
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The motif of this poem is extremely gripping, good, and of course original. What's the village supposed to represent?
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| Re: The Conqueror Worm by zodiac |
4-May-04/2:27 PM |
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I enjoy the first line especially. The moody internal M's throughout the piece make it feel somewhat surreal.
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| Re: The Conqueror Worm by zodiac |
4-May-04/2:28 PM |
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However, I might add, it doesen't make a lot of sense; it doesen't have to though to be good.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-May-04/5:52 PM |
I like it, a bit whispy for my taste, but I still like it. Though "wreathed with flowers" has been said a tad too many times and since fallen into cliché. (Think of Poe "all wreathed in feathery fruits and flowers," Henry Lawson "London wreathed in flowers" and others)
If I could be further permitted to wax whimsical her, the last line reminds me of a line in a french poem by Beauchemin: "La grêle tombe en plaine été" (Hail falls in the middle of summer)
But all of this gives it a flavor of Deja Vu which seems in concord with the sentiments expressed. So you get another 9
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-May-04/5:58 PM |
Well done!
I think it might be more musical to say "Sky aglitter, fast expanding"
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-May-04/6:02 PM |
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Talk about surprise endings. Yeesh
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-May-04/7:43 PM |
This should be posted on some bulletin board as a specimen of absolute stupidity.
In other words, It sucks like a toothless whore
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| Re: To Who Ever Wrote That Roller Coaster Poem... by Fear of Garbage |
6-May-04/7:52 PM |
One third rediculous, one sixth pointless, and half-vivid.
You have therefore earned yourself a -7-
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| Re: sunrise at kofa by unknown^user |
8-May-04/12:38 PM |
"When the lips again begin to flutter"
And "I became oblivious, and alone"
seem to have no meaning whatsoever. Their only purpous seems to be to force the lips to a sinuous surfeit of labial consonants in recitation.
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| Re: This Summers Ablaze by DeadtotheWorld |
9-May-04/2:06 PM |
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And use some rhymes that are more varied
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| Re: Outhouse by newagepoet2000 |
9-May-04/2:28 PM |
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You know this shit you have posted has a stench more vile than any that comes out of my own or anybody else's rectum.
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