| Re: untitled by nicole081083 |
15-Aug-05/1:17 PM |
|
|
 |
| Re: sad moments by rbooey |
15-Aug-05/1:26 PM |
|
Please, fix the misspellings. You don't have anything exciting or artful here, just a dull meditation on the afterlife. I have been forced to read many, many poems like this and smile indulgently at their authors and say "it's nice." Online, however, I have no compunction about telling you that this poem is worthless. I mean that as no offense, I'm just telling you what I think.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Aug-05/1:49 PM |
|
Now this is just plain fecal
|
|
|
|
| Re: Poem for a Snowstorm by crooked_smile |
16-Aug-05/5:59 PM |
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-05/11:16 PM |
|
A bit too angsty for my taste, a bit like a suicidal teenager at 1:00 a.m.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim |
21-Aug-05/6:37 AM |
|
Powerful, could use some tighter language. But powerful
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Aug-05/10:32 AM |
|
It feels like your telling too much and not showing enough
|
|
|
|
| Re: GIRL IN THE RED DRESS by prettyktm |
21-Aug-05/10:35 AM |
|
Good job, feels like you could do more with expressive and novel language, but the poem did its job very well and there are some beautiful places.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Mystical Chinese Dragon by that_funny_girl |
21-Aug-05/1:07 PM |
|
Good, except for the soppy parts about love and friendship and being there when you're down. It may be what you feel, but objectively it weakens the strength of the poem. 8 for overall quality
|
|
|
|
| Re: tanka(4) by shadows |
21-Aug-05/3:53 PM |
|
very contemporary with the flavor of the japanese masters. nice
|
|
|
|
| Re: Letter from Palermo by Caducus |
23-Aug-05/11:06 AM |
|
Hurts my brain, but worth it
|
|
|
|
| Re: My question is...... by Annie |
25-Aug-05/9:36 AM |
|
This poem doesen't tell me anything besides what I've heard a thousand times. If you must do so, and it's okay if you do, then please, please use less outworn language. "Savior" for example needn't be here. You repeat yourself over and over and over. Say something more!!!
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Aug-05/10:40 PM |
|
Feels Very much like Lorca
|
|
|
|
| Re: California triolets by zodiac |
27-Aug-05/10:42 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: Emily Gray by Enkidu |
28-Aug-05/9:39 PM |
|
Feels a bit empty for something so full.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Aug-05/9:53 PM |
|
Too many abstractions especially at the beginning. A few needless adverbs too. Otherwise, nice.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Aug-05/2:52 AM |
|
Riddled with clichés and full of the early teenage wrangling I've read before in a dozen mediocre poems. Please, use your poem as a way to make your experience appear unique, not as a way to make it seem the same as others.
|
|
|
|
| Re: 8/29 by cronus |
29-Aug-05/2:54 AM |
|
Points for sincerity and novelty. Minus for the i and for not going anywhere with the idea.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Geraldine Florentine, MD by T. Jonathron Remp |
31-Aug-05/12:34 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: Out of a White Hole by ALChemy |
31-Aug-05/3:15 PM |
I think you extended the metaphor beyond its shelf-life. It feels cluttered by abstractions to fill in the places where imagination fails. Other than that good.
|
|
|
|
