Re: Rough draft of a poetry manifesto by zodiac	11-Apr-04/10:56 AM
Somewhat clever. 6.
Re: bipolar by nentwined	11-Apr-04/10:59 AM
Do bipolar people exhibit this type of balance and introspection? Nice poem, just wondering if 3rd person would be more appropriate.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jun-04/2:29 PM
Sounds like a nice place.
Re: Restraint by ThoughtfulSoul	20-Jun-04/3:19 PM
Did you intend a connection between these 2 lines: "For his life has been wasted with no one but himself He has not enjoyed life to the fullest"
Re: "She Phoned This Morning" by ARTIE	20-Jun-04/8:35 PM
Liked it, but the "soul doth yearn" line made me wonder what century it was.
Re: The Hot Job by peaceseeker	24-Jun-04/3:47 PM
This reminds me of the age-old question: Why are all poets attracted to shmucks?
Re: finally i say goodbye by francis nor capule	30-Jun-04/1:07 PM
Good poem. For my $.02, I didn't like this line: i will take solace in the fact that i have been in love The poem is otherwise taking-care-of-business, let's-move-on. That line felt out of place, too touchy-feely and like you're justifying past mistakes. Said another way, 'solace' is an emotion word stuck in the middle of a poem centered on logic and thought.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Jul-04/11:46 AM
Some yeast recipes ask you to punch down the dough midway through rising. All of a sudden, this peacenik poem takes a bloody turn.
Re: A Girl’s Climax by Dovina	11-Jul-04/11:16 AM
I'm not sure why, but I can't help from being critical of this poem. First, the word "all" in line 1 is troubling. Is this meant to imply that, after he noticed, there will be no more dieting, etc.? In this sense, the poem is about a woman who lets herself go after she couples up. In the last line, the word "finally" raises questions. What did he notice, that she exists? Or that she's been dieting, etc.? If it's the latter, what was noticed? That she looks good or that she's too skinny and wears too much makeup? Ambiguity is good in moderation, but this poem seems too ambiguous to possess meaning. If this poem is autobiographical, congratulations on getting noticed. I'm sure you look fabulous.
Re: Summer by Dovina	22-Jul-04/12:24 PM
Very nice one.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jul-04/11:30 AM
I very much like this poem. But I have a comment similar to Zodiac's. When you I read "gives me wings," I thought Red Bull.
Re: Barflies and Bombshells by wilco	28-Jul-04/11:32 AM
Why is the bombshell gonna drop? Is she drinking too heavily?
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jul-04/11:39 AM
"A cask such as this holds so many memories" So basically, the day after I black out, I should look in the bottle from which I was drinking.
Re: Navy Pier by Doug	5-Aug-04/1:55 PM
Others are attempting genuine feedback. I'll attempt the same, stipulating that this is a fine effort that I like very much. I'm most concerned with two incongruities: 1. Half-concerned. It doesn't seem to fit. The poem didn't seem to be building to the point of concern. Elated, intrigued, comfortable, satisfied -- variants on these words would seem (to me) more appropriate. When I first read the half-concerned line, I thought you were trying to draw a contrast - but I didn't know with what. It took me out of the moment. 2. Sweat. Before that point, you were painting a cool picture. Cobalt breakers, dulcet breeze, beer garden. The black and tan is warm, not hot. So why is she sweating? Nervous? Pissed that you drank her beer? I'm not saying she can't perspire, just that the day seems breezy and comfortable, not hot and sweaty.