regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jan-07/7:21 PM
meh...I got through half of it. Just didn't really hold my attention...the half that I read was...I don't know..punctuationless...I need some punctuation. Holding the vote for now.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jan-07/7:24 PM
Some pretty lines here...I just don't know what the hell you're talking about. It doesn't seem to work for me as a whole...needs to be more cohesive instead of just a bunch of pretty lines pieced together into the shape of a poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jan-07/7:25 PM
I just threw up a little bit into my mouth.
Re: Fanatic by Dovina	12-Jan-07/7:26 PM
I like the first one better. It would get an 8.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jan-07/7:28 PM
okay.
Re: Bullet Heaven by MacFrantic	12-Jan-07/7:29 PM
I've seen some good stuff you've written. THis is not one of 'em. You know how to write..you're better than this.
Re: Depature from Nam by AlexandraLeaving	12-Jan-07/7:34 PM
I think this could be much better shortened a bit...take some unnecessary words out...for example: We said sayonara to Hiroshima And hello to the green diamond rivers of Vietnam And we walked upright Where the ones before us crawled on bellies Western snakes in the grass We were delighted by rain Finding it absolutely perfect (Once the dried blood was ignored) We sat in cafe's where dancing girls came Touching guns smilingly Their husbands silent at home Or dead, silent in the land of green ...and punctuate...damn that's irritating. Gimme a semicolon or something. This could be good with a little more tweaking. Less is more. Play with wordings and take out things you don't need...
Re: Brains for Barter by Dovina	12-Jan-07/7:38 PM
Your problem D, is that you write too much. I've come to believe that a poem every 2 days is too much. The people that are decent writers on here need to learn to edit themselves and not post everything we write becasue it ends up getting old and jumbled and we tend to repeat ourselves....Not that this is bad, but I bet you could write a really great thing if you saved up and all that.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jan-07/7:41 PM
That intdentation makes me want to tear my face off. This is not...good, but I can see some strengths in you. I wondere how old you are. If you're in your teens, you're on pace and could be good with work....if you're in you 30's...quit now.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jan-07/7:43 PM
What's with the stuttering? That needs to go...You're a tool? a wrench? I don't get it...
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jan-07/7:51 PM
Okay, this is solid...doesn't give me wood or anything, but it's solid. Please lose the funky indentation though.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jan-07/7:55 PM
I was going to give you a critique but I see from comments below that you're content in your mediocrity and therfore, I leave you to your own devices, sir.
Re: Darkroom Dancer by MacFrantic	12-Jan-07/7:57 PM
MUCH better than the one I just read of yours.
Re: Yell! by MacFrantic	14-Jan-07/9:26 PM
Som of this is good (1/2 the second stanza the third stanza except for the Angel in black line), Don't really like the rest and the 1st stanza is terrible, I think.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Jan-07/9:28 PM
I don't think this is bad at all. I'll give my score based on your voting system, though. <shrug>
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Jan-07/9:31 PM
This isn't bad, from a poetic point of view. Nice wording, decent imagery...It's boring and been done to death, and your indentions are driving me insane, but it's not a bad write.
Re: He's... by holliebollie_19	14-Jan-07/9:37 PM
I'm sure you'll take this as me just being mean, but I'm just giving my assessment. This is just a simple little thing that you'd doodle in your trapper keeper during study hall....Not what you post for review and criticism....even here... If you REALLY like to write and want to get better...read some poetry and learn to use imagery and detail and try writing something that's not the lovelorn ramblings of bored student. You're going to get made fun of posting things like this. I don't mean to quit writing entirely...I don't think that anyone should do that...just work on it before you post it. Cheers.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Jan-07/9:38 PM
Since you're just going to get mad at whatever I say, I'll refrain from critiquing or voting on this. sound good?
Re: Drowning by wilco	1-Feb-07/7:57 PM
OK, so I'm doing this thing for Fawm.org where you're supposed to write 14 songs in 28 days. This is the first one and I figured I might as well post it here too. I should have a demo up at some point if anyone cares to hear it.
Re: Illumination by MacFrantic	1-Feb-07/8:04 PM
I like this except for the middle stanza. That seems really forced to make the rhymes.