Re: Liberty! by fevriere	17-Jan-04/10:34 AM
This is an excellent exultation. Hoot'n'holler!
Re: (Come find me) by zodiac	17-Jan-04/10:48 AM
I like the first three stanza's quite a lot, but the end doesn't cut it. What are you saying, that the whimsy of a sentient fungus is not just a metaphor and this is a horror poem? Or are you alluding to the effects of poison/hallucinogenic mushrooms -- if so it could be sketched much better. But you taught me a new word, that's pretty rare, lol. Nitpick: no need to say great when in the next line you say colossal.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jan-04/2:00 PM
The only lines in this shit that haven't already been in literally hundreds of wannabe poems, stupid pop songs, or country & western songs is "All I ever wanted was to swim in your heart/And maybe once a week a chance to rim while you fart" Ok, the second line isn't actually in either any pop songs or this shit. Oh shit, I just googled for "swim in your heart" and I was wrong. It's not original either. "rim while you fart" gets no googles, maybe you should use it instead? To have ONE original phrase at least?
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jan-04/2:22 PM
Isn't it cool how wandering rhymes with pondering? And if you use the right accent, you can even make wondering rhyme with pondering. Sadly however, there is no accent that can make ponderous rhyme with wondrous. It just doesn't work.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jan-04/2:45 PM
I agree the last line can (should?) go. I found it jarring. I also don't think the inversion in st. 3 is necessary/desired, although I'm the last person who should be telling someone not to affect a poeticism, lol.
Re: If by elixir	23-Jan-04/4:13 PM
WAS. WAS WAS WAS WAS. WAS. AAAARGGGHHH how could you DO that to me. It's like scratching a blackboard. If love WAS I WOULD. If love IS I WILL. Got it?
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Jan-04/4:16 PM
this is marginally less obnoxious than most of the I can't live without you because I'm a teenager pomes, so you get a 4.
Re: simple silence by daniella	23-Jan-04/4:22 PM
well, you certainly squeezed that one dry. You must have been thirsty. That can happen when you go wandering in the arroyos of life. Dry, dry, dry, and then BAM a deluge that leaves you broken and sodden.
Re: Poem #5 (of a series of poems for Boo) by Owner of the Sky	23-Jan-04/4:26 PM
I don't want to be touched by Boo.
Re: She Cries by holden_caulfield	23-Jan-04/4:38 PM
Who the fuck is she? WHY did the stars become runny? Let me get this straight: a naked ship is going to fall on us gently like a snowflake out of the winter mists? A ship... Okey dokey. How can the gentle, floating ship be both brittle and snowflake-like?
Re: That's What It's all about. by madjack2	23-Jan-04/4:49 PM
what what's all about? The hokey pokey? Please next time wait 'till it has stopped dribbling before you shake it all about.
Re: Your Kind by TripleHGurl	23-Jan-04/4:51 PM
What the hell are you talking about? What kind? Can we get some kind of clue here what you're talking about?
Re: The Grandfather Suite by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	24-Jan-04/7:08 AM
My Grandfather loved me the best, He said, holding me close to his chest I stayed deathly still 'till his snores sounded shrill and I could unstick my face from his vest.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Jan-04/2:32 PM
I kinda liked this. You need a double entendre for the title.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Jan-04/3:29 PM
mmm, nice whimsy. I like whimsy. I didn't read it as suicide contemplation at all, re: rockmage's comment; if you meant it that way please fuck off and find a hotline. Pretty please fix "before the tired river would soon cast me out"; it's not a permissible structure in English and thus is jarring. You could say "but" or "though" instead of before; I personally like: ------- BEGIN unsolicited edit -------- ...while the tired river hesitated to cast me out. Then perhaps I would.... ----- END unsolicited edit --------- because it contributes to the whimsicalishness. I like whimsy. Did I say that already? This is a purty whimsy.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Jan-04/3:52 PM
I couldn't figure out what the hell Palestinian had to do anything, so I googled and found a news article with the same date as this pome about the opening of the first Palestinian shopping mall and supermarket. Is that the sum total of the reference, or is there more to it? Please explain, I feel so ignorant. In any case, well done.