Re: Too Tired for a Title by woodstock20000	10-Jun-05/11:54 PM
I wouldn't have believed it, but reading a poem about being too tired to write well is about as exciting as watching a person too tired to move piss his pants on my couch.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jun-05/12:50 AM
Spelling and grammar: eel, capable enough to steer (or capable of steering), phallus, bowlegs.
Re: Unclean by Dovina	15-Jun-05/2:30 AM
Is this poem about Muslims in the 9th century? First off, in response to your "cast out of society" comment from my post, you should know that Jordan (along with Lebanon, Syria, Iraq and many neighborhoods in Egypt and UAE) is middling liberal for Islamic countries. Here, a raped-but-married woman would either, one, say nothing and neither would her husband or, two, be encouraged by her family to return to her parents' house, not go outside very much, be unemployed, and not have many friends besides her family and close neighbors. In other words, she'd be exactly as she was before she got married and mostly as she was WHILE she was married, except she naturally wouldn't be hoping to get married again. (This, incidentally, is the situation of about a dozen women I know whose marriages have broken up for some reason or other.) You must understand: In almost no part of the Middle East do women BELONG to any society they can be cast out of. If your raped woman came from my part of the world, she would be divorced but IN EVERY RESPECT indistinguishable from any other woman in the country. In other words, she'd be practically invisible. The more real danger (and this is what separates us from Saudi Arabia and non-liberal Muslim countries - that is, it's bad enough here and gets worse there,) is that she'll be killed or beaten into some crippled state by her husband or brothers. You can call this "cast out of society" if you want, but it's really more accurately "cast out of earthly existence altogether." That said, about the poem. Yes, Mohammed did in fact teach respect for women. All Muslims know this. In fact, most Muslims know that after Mohammed's famous statement that men can marry "one, two, three, or even four women" he immediately added, "but you have to love them exactly the same amount." Most Muslims also know that, this being impossible, it's essentially the same thing as saying you can't marry more than one. And most don't care. Muslims here (and at least in the parts of the Arabic world I see on tv) are about as Muslim as most Americans are Christian. Pointing out that Muslims aren't exactly adhering to the letter of their faith is pretty much a losing battle, and about as useful as pointing out that Christians aren't either. That is to say, not useful at all. Stanza 2: "disgrace" made me laugh. Stanza 4: Robbers! Tee-hee. For one, there are much fewer violent robbers in the Middle East than rapists. As a cover-up, this would be totally unbelievable. For another thing, and more importantly, a woman violently robbed will be as much disgraced as a woman raped; it's just as Haram, and it will simply be assumed that she was raped, too. As far as my experience goes, she'd be just as well off as if she'd admitted the rape. If you're going to say your Muslim friend tried this dodge - well, good luck to her. I don't see how it worked. Also, "cast her out for Allah's good": No non-insane person in the Arabic world would say or think something like this. Everybody here knows Allah is already all-good. It's an enormous sin to think he could be improved or kept from taint, i.e., that something could be done for his good. In reality, she's cast out for the men of the community's good. All repression of women under Islam, from the Qura'an down, is justified as a way of protecting MEN who, exposed to women's charms, even a wisp of her hair, would not be able to keep themselves from sinning. It's flattering, see? The women's good is secondary. Obviously, a woman who's already been raped would pose double the temptation to men; that's why they need to be protected from her. Don't ask me to explain why. I can't. Good poetry, though.
Re: Eulogy for a Poet by Dovina	18-Jun-05/2:06 AM
Poetry -------------------------- SLAM! Poetry Compare and contrast. (5 points)
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jun-05/2:25 AM
Bow'ls. Incidentally, I've just started working with a real feral boy (aka, a wolfboy) who's been locked in a sheep pen the last fifteen years. It's fascinating. Incidentally, people who talk about how some rapist got off easy by going to an asylum are just plain ignorant. Trust me, I've worked in asylums (as well as all kinds of rehabilitation programs). And the guy obviously needed asylum treatment. Like we all do.
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	18-Jun-05/2:26 AM
These are the least naughty poems I've ever read.
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	18-Jun-05/3:06 AM
And, *********PLAGIARISM ALERT*********** You don't seem to have gotten the point last time, lil_evil_boi (or seem to be unable to distinguish between things you've heard once and things you've invented yourself). You must go running to record companies all the time with some song you've written, only to find it's "Losing My Religion". Nentwined: Not that you need to, but google any line from any of these. The most egregious ones are actual bumper stickers.
Re: The And women by INTRANSIT	19-Jun-05/4:47 AM
I liked the title. I don't see how it relates to the poem. Which is also good.
Re: A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	19-Jun-05/5:26 AM
Not enough variation to avoid rhyming "love" and "above". You might be tempted to ask, What's wrong with that? This is: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97622
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Jun-05/12:54 AM
I was just reading in T.E. Lawrence that a plot by the Lebanese cognescenti to overthrow Turkish rule was foiled when the Turks discovered a ton of correspondence describing the plot lying around in the French Embassy, and had the entire educated part of Lebanon hung. This poem's not bad. Rhetorical question: How many forgotten artists do you know?
Re: Family by Sunshine Conkey	24-Jun-05/6:56 AM
Do you think if you were more polite to your sons, they'd stop being self-obsessed Neo-Nazis?
Re: A Righteous Prayer by Dovina	24-Jun-05/7:00 AM
Some of this grammar is a mess. In special need of changing: "Grant now my petitions For which I make claim" "All those lofty ideals I’ve kept With passion for religion As tools for advancement" "As Your Word admonishes I now beseech"
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jun-05/2:54 AM
It seems like you forgot what this poem was about, like, five times.
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jun-05/2:55 AM
Suggestion: Turn every question in this poem into a statement. Like we'd know, anyway, you're the freakin poet.
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jun-05/2:57 AM
re "the gray wind of used to be". In three poems, you've done this three times. Don't. It's not done, unless you live in the nineteenth century.
Re: FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX by andrew barnes	26-Jun-05/2:59 AM
Change "jolting fatigue", "long- limbed pulley", and give the ending some punch. Very good, though. Have you been watching Dancing with the Stars?
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jun-05/3:01 AM
Why did you say "slabs" so much, I wonder? Just because it's a kind of funny English word, I answer.
Re: Passion by gothiclovepoetiss	26-Jun-05/3:06 AM
Q: If you only felt like this because you'd heard love described in exactly the same terms God knows how many times, rather than - I don't know - somehow just spontaneously having this feeling, would you know? In other words, do your knees really, REALLY buckle? Please answer honestly.
Re: Fillamayer! by smiffy84	26-Jun-05/3:10 AM
Not bad. But the best poemranker lay in the olden style is still this one: THE LAY OF KING BUMBLEMEAT Whither the meatly hats of yesterlunch? Whither the sausage helmets, the hammy porkpies, the berets Shimm'ring in sunlight, so meatly, All smelling sweetly Of honey and jelly-glaze? Whither King Bumfirst's hamhock, that bunched So gloriously on his ears as he rode that day Swinging his wet truncheon: To luncheon! To luncheon! So awfully, so embarassingly gay? Alas! No more the meat! Alas! No more those hats! The ham-fedoras flapping their silly brims among the leaves Of Bumwood! Lost completely Are those bright helms, so meatly, Collapsed with somewhat sickly splats On the tops of our Wellingtons (Beeves).
Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina	30-Jun-05/3:09 AM
First and second lines make it sound like the women are the ones hurting, not the man. You can say, "of implies ownership, his hurt simply BELONGS to the women." Whatever. If at some level you're taking this comment seriously then, no, the missing punctuation would not fix it. Lines two and three make it sound like either the shallow lovers are hurting or the women somehow wronged him of shallow lovers, neither of which is what you mean. You can say, ibid. My answer: ibid. Second stanza continues the other-people-wounded-not-him. And why do you talk like such an android in your poetry? I expect you at any moment to say, haltingly, "Is this...the thing... that... humans call... love...?"