regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jul-03/9:20 AM
I liked these 2 lines. "So you will not know that I am hurt, I lie. I speak until my throat is dry."
Re: I, criminal by INTRANSIT	31-Jul-03/9:21 AM
Nice.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jul-03/9:24 AM
pets ARE time consuming
Re: Snake Oil: A Deadication by OneFingerAnswer	31-Jul-03/9:27 AM
I had a stalker ex-girlfriend once, too. It is hard to decide what to do about them, at least you made your decision and stuck to it. 9
Re: Border Crashing by JoyLuck	31-Jul-03/9:33 AM
"Wrapping can now be used to by migrants" typo there, and here "Ran over four foot women" (unless there were four of these "foot women", instead of a four foot woman). So the narrator is illegally immigrating into Mexico?
Re: My Last Plea by Inconceivable_Dreams	31-Jul-03/9:37 AM
The lines seem too short to be rhymed in an AABBCCDDEE... scheme. Maybe an ABAB CDCD would work better for these short phrases. Reading it made me think that if you read it aloud you'd be breathless by the first ending. I don't really know what the repetition of the poem adds, either.
Re: Brittanyy by JoyLuck	31-Jul-03/9:39 AM
I always thought of JoyLuck's gender as femal (probably because of the book). I mean that as a compliment, by the way.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jul-03/9:45 AM
Some of the rhymes are a little too easy to anticipate, like fears and tears, etc.
Re: Ah ha ah ha by -=Tan_Hand=-	31-Jul-03/9:48 AM
I don't think "the pussy was sorry" is enough of a description of what justified the narrator's slap. More detail, too loose, bad rhythm, too sloppy? Haven't you seen the rhyming bumper stickers? "There is not excuse for domestic abuse"
Re: Oxywarmonger by poetandknowit	31-Jul-03/6:51 PM
Call 774-HELP! The government's provoked another brief delusional disorder! 10
Re: We'll be Louvers and shade by <{Baba^Yaga}>	31-Jul-03/7:16 PM
"rubards?" That's the onliest word I couldn't translate. Nice mix of Bible pronouns and teenage misspellings. I was crying by the time I got to "sweaty pie".
Re: black by sk8rs_rule_all	31-Jul-03/7:19 PM
a con-fornication (or a conformation) between father and son?
Re: something by sk8rs_rule_all	31-Jul-03/7:49 PM
Cidering season starts after fall's first frost. What are the cons to cidering?
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jul-03/7:54 PM
I get the connection between # 1 and 2. Nice job. Wouldn't it be until her heart "bursts" open? Burst seems like past tense.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jul-03/7:58 PM
Science. Bah! "Between the vitamins he is shoving down his throat he asks if he is going to die" is a little awkward, how about "He asks me if he is going to die between shoving handfuls of vitamins down his throat" or something. Take the "I" out of the last line, you said "I" in the stanza above, and it is still understood. Good idea though.
Re: We'll be Louvers and shade by <{Baba^Yaga}>	31-Jul-03/8:34 PM
You better tell me what "rubards" are! The suspense is killing me. I keep thinking rhubarb, but I guess I am just hungry. Your poetry is as sweet as rhubarb.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Aug-03/7:10 AM
I like your revisions, you took out a lot of unnecessary words. However, I think you still need a "but" at the beginning of the last stanza "But at Whitey's", just to make it easier for the reader to see the shift.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Aug-03/7:25 AM
I love the breakdown at the end, the memory of how you met and the blow job. Those damned oversized cereal boxes, they make it so obvious that you're poor when you try to hide it.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Aug-03/7:29 AM
I don't get "address themselves in the plural form" - I think the craziest folks address themselves in the 3rd person. We had a governor candidate in Maine who addressed himself in the 3rd person, like he was speaking in the press releases that he'd obviously written for himself. He say, as calm as can be, "John Michael believes that marriage is sacred and should be for a man and a woman..." But yeah, the rest is great.
Re: A Lack of Care by William J. Mitchell	1-Aug-03/7:33 AM
I had just figured out what you were doing in the first and second stanzas with the first word when you switched back to the more linear form. I think if you are going to go with that interesting style you should go all the way. But, I wouldn't necessarily advise you going with the style of the 1st and 2nd stanzas- too annoying to read. The message is good.