| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-May-07/10:38 PM |
|
that certainly seems to sum up a fair amount of it.
|
|
|
 |
| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-May-07/10:39 PM |
|
Does that mean hope is the fountain of youth?
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Jun-07/4:54 AM |
|
internal rhyme in a haiku? nifty. :)
|
|
|
|
| Re: love 2 by little_angel_maria |
24-Jun-08/12:03 PM |
|
Adding one word to a poem is not a significant change. This is "Realizing Love" by Richard Sheak.
|
|
|
|
| Re: boy girl by little_angel_maria |
24-Jun-08/12:08 PM |
|
This anonymously authored poem appears to be older than this poster.
|
|
|
|
| Re: If I Could by little_angel_maria |
24-Jun-08/12:09 PM |
|
This is by Sandra Lewis Pringle.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jun-08/8:22 PM |
|
that's certainly long. good progression. very good progression, really, in terms of images/concepts. I don't think the words work very well for me, or the flow on the line/stanza level. Too much is told, for me.
|
|
|
|
| Re: A rock by nisim2 |
26-Jun-08/8:26 PM |
|
The English of this piece is very awkward. Reads like a school assignment? Not sure you meant dolor or color (though both work about as well?) They end-rhymes (and near rhymes) feel very forced (and AABB tends to jump out as juvenile when reading something).
|
|
|
|
| Re: I Got Mine Designed by Skamper |
26-Jun-08/8:27 PM |
funny that. random with a hint of purpose (I smell porpoise). I'd like to know a little more about what you got designed... maybe. :)
I'm possibly missing a lot, here.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Killer Gap by T. Jonathron Remp |
26-Jun-08/8:29 PM |
The first stanza and three quarters really work, though I wouldn't expect them too. You're losing it for me where you break from the form and rhythm you've set up ((any form is tenuous and has a lot to prove about itself... and when you drop it, if that's not intrinsically meaningful, ...))
Interesting, though.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Hardboiled Heart by T. Jonathron Remp |
26-Jun-08/8:33 PM |
|
Could be good lyrics. The randomness of what you grasp at is the main detractor for me--I can't gel any particular image/meaning/point out of the poem, and that makes any possible insights ... less.
|
|
|
|
| Re: not good enough by outoftouch |
26-Jun-08/8:34 PM |
"she doesn't she that" -> "she doesn't see that"
cant -> can't
...
This belongs pretty perfectly in the pimple category. It's a common enough place/time/emotion, more for the writer of the poem than anyone else.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Her tears by outoftouch |
26-Jun-08/8:36 PM |
|
the tears aren't for him, really. and this poem isn't for anyone but the writer.
|
|
|
|
| Re: untitled by outoftouch |
26-Jun-08/8:37 PM |
"I know this sounds unbelievably cheesy,
And extremely cliche,"
ding! :)
No real offense intended, and nothing to do with your situation, just the poem--it's a pimple, through and through.
|
|
|
|
| Re: In desperate need by outoftouch |
26-Jun-08/8:38 PM |
"liking me for who it is I want to be." <-- an interesting line
"I need you like a fat kid needs cake," <-- less so, unless that's the feel you're going for throughout
|
|
|
|
| Re: Question by half.italian |
26-Jun-08/8:38 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: Moat Man by JMakStak |
26-Jun-08/8:39 PM |
|
this has something, though I think you're going concrete as opposed to free verse? and I'm not really getting the concrete image except for a vague separation of things...
|
|
|
|
| Re: sperladnik: the sequel by malpaso |
26-Jun-08/8:40 PM |
|
funny, but not funny enough. :)
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jun-08/8:43 PM |
|
I'm with impert&ent. Except no real points for the tractor in the title. Congratulations! :)
|
|
|
|
| Re: sperladnik by malpaso |
26-Jun-08/8:44 PM |
|
less drugs? different drugs? more drugs? I don't know! Aieeeeee!
|
|
|
|
