| Re: thinking alike in regards to today and tomorrow by skaskowski |
29-Apr-02/12:51 AM |
I'm afraid I really don't get this -- it makes too many leaps that I can't connect, fragments of images that could all well be separate poems, or lines from other poems. "Then the ceramic sky...clay-littered ground..." makes me think of 9/11. But all in all I have no idea what you're trying to get at.
Only major nitpick with the poem was I didn't like the repetition of "then" twice (lines 4, 5).
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| Re: Sperm Donor Clown by ObiWonKn |
29-Apr-02/12:53 AM |
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I think a different title would make the ending of this poem more powerful.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Apr-02/12:54 AM |
OH.
I finally got the ending. the wrinkles and creases aren't in the leather, they're in your face. The leather is all shiny and good.
I like this much better all of the sudden. :)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-May-02/7:37 PM |
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they look fine to me. do you say this has question marks in it?
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| Re: How much? by T.Becquerel II |
4-May-02/12:05 PM |
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this is actually kinda cute. not what I would consider a poem, not even of the freeform sort. but cute.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-May-02/4:58 PM |
Interesting. I'd never thought much about California rain (I'm not a native) other than.... it's annoying for about a month out of the year. I hadn't noticed that it never claps but rumbles, but now that you mention it... odd.
I don't get the rhythm in the poem but I lik what you're saying. :)
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| Re: The Green Emerald by ruella |
9-May-02/4:59 PM |
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I erm, don't really get this, either as a story or as a poem.
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| Re: All teeth when not. by ifni |
9-May-02/4:59 PM |
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this sounds more like notes to yourself than a poem, though I appreciate the notes much. :)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-May-02/5:00 PM |
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I'm afraid I don't get this. I'm feeling especially dense right now -- haven't gotten anything in a bit.
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| Re: Sloth and Expectation by ifni |
9-May-02/5:02 PM |
this doesn't really catch me, but it feels like it almost did. I like the statement a lot.
for something so short it's really hard to make any sort of suggestion, but I think it would work better for me if it ended with expectation instead of warring -- "sloth warring with expectation"... separating the two more and giving it a stronger punch. maybe.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-May-02/5:03 PM |
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sweet. :) several typos that annoyed, but overall sweet and kept a rhythm well and rhymed without being obnoxious about it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-May-02/5:10 PM |
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very sweet. =) Really, I like "Souls falling" ... to the end far more than the lead-in.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-May-02/5:12 PM |
normally I don't have the attention span for a poem this long.
all I can say is... wow. No, I can say more than that. "powerful". quite. the intro was a bit slow/ponderous for me, but after the first 9 lines the poem really starts hitting and doesn't stop til the blood echoes in the ears after the end.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-May-02/5:14 PM |
I'd say this belongs more under "lyric" than "freeform" with the pounding stocatto and a rhyme on every line.
but beyond that... nice. very nice. :)
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| Re: Haiku by Cha no Onna |
9-May-02/5:16 PM |
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| Re: Ahyuim by Modulo |
9-May-02/5:17 PM |
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cute, but just doesn't do it for me. though I think I've liked it more in t
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| Re: Ahyuim by Modulo |
9-May-02/5:18 PM |
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er, the past. but I can't remember.
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| Re: I like to run by T.Becquerel II |
9-May-02/5:18 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-May-02/5:19 PM |
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| Re: Grief by ifni |
9-May-02/5:21 PM |
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