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Sperm Donor Clown (Free verse) by ObiWonKn
In that parking lot, Where the carnival is set up, Familiarity is her roller-coaster Zig-zagging through the sky, The rush takes her higher On this uneven plane Red-faced from the alcohol, But still familiar, All too familiar, He stands there, Caressing a long, thin cigarette With his silken hands He sees her, As the moon melts the chocolate In her eyes He can only stare As if he were looking into a fun mirror Cotton candy memories of childhood days Faded away Many years ago Today, all she sees Is a sperm donor In a clown suit Wrecking another carnival

Up the ladder: Mislead
Down the ladder: To You

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.904762
Weighted score: 5.888489
Overall Rank: 1510
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:15 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:15 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] deleted user @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
the first stanza needs something to clarify the relationship. I have two possibilities at the end of this poem -- "she" is a prostitute, or "she" is a mother and "he" is the let-down father. There is similar harshness in this poem as in one or two others on this site -- like "Don't Spend your Tax Dollars" I think was the name of one. Good stuff here -- just need one more thing.
[3]... anonymous @ | 18-Jul-01/10:17 PM | Reply
Is the clown the father?
[3]... anonymous @ | 29-Jul-01/6:47 PM | Reply
Caustic. Liked it.
[6] nrevatehtni @ | 8-Apr-02/8:18 AM | Reply
interesting images of distortion and unease... try to keep going with this. I think if you're going to use the clown metaphor, you might try finding a metaphor for "sperm donor", too.
[7] nentwined @ | 29-Apr-02/12:53 AM | Reply
I think a different title would make the ending of this poem more powerful.
[7] yarlgrenn @ | 10-May-02/3:03 PM | Reply
ha! funny poems are so rare.
[6] Jill Stockinger @ 209.162.37.68 | 14-Jul-02/3:07 PM | Reply
Interesting. Very bitter.
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