poemranker ::Sperm Donor Clown by ObiWonKn

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Free verse № 171

Sperm Donor Clown

by ObiWonKn

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 7 comments

In that parking lot, Where the carnival is set up, Familiarity is her roller-coaster Zig-zagging through the sky, The rush takes her higher On this uneven plane Red-faced from the alcohol, But still familiar, All too familiar, He stands there, Caressing a long, thin cigarette With his silken hands He sees her, As the moon melts the chocolate In her eyes He can only stare As if he were looking into a fun mirror Cotton candy memories of childhood days Faded away Many years ago Today, all she sees Is a sperm donor In a clown suit Wrecking another carnival

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mean 5.90 weighted 5.89 rank 1509 views 215 View voting details →

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7 comments

[n/a] deleted user 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply
the first stanza needs something to clarify the relationship. I have two possibilities at the end of this poem -- "she" is a prostitute, or "she" is a mother and "he" is the let-down father. There is similar harshness in this poem as in one or two others on this site -- like "Don't Spend your Tax Dollars" I think was the name of one. Good stuff here -- just need one more thing.
[3] anonymous 18-Jul-01/10:17 PM Reply
Is the clown the father?
[3] anonymous 29-Jul-01/6:47 PM Reply
Caustic. Liked it.
[6] nrevatehtni 8-Apr-02/8:18 AM Reply
interesting images of distortion and unease... try to keep going with this. I think if you're going to use the clown metaphor, you might try finding a metaphor for "sperm donor", too.
[7] nentwined 29-Apr-02/12:53 AM Reply
I think a different title would make the ending of this poem more powerful.
[7] yarlgrenn 10-May-02/3:03 PM Reply
ha! funny poems are so rare.
[6] Jill Stockinger 14-Jul-02/3:07 PM Reply
Interesting. Very bitter.