poemranker ::Sloth and Expectation by ifni

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Free verse № 146

Sloth and Expectation

by ifni

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · Edited 16 May 2002 · 3 comments

catch up is a race I run against myself, sloth and expectation, warring. 9-9-01 JV

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mean 4.42 weighted 4.57 rank 12581 views 171 View voting details →

12 votes so far. Yours would make 13.12 votes so far

3 comments

[8] nrevatehtni 22-Apr-02/11:24 AM Reply
bravo
[7] nentwined 9-May-02/5:02 PM Reply
this doesn't really catch me, but it feels like it almost did. I like the statement a lot.

for something so short it's really hard to make any sort of suggestion, but I think it would work better for me if it ended with expectation instead of warring -- "sloth warring with expectation"... separating the two more and giving it a stronger punch. maybe.
[3] ErgoErgun 16-May-02/9:23 AM Reply
You could deliver such a profound idea in a more tasteful way.