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Sloth and Expectation (Free verse) by ifni catch up
is a race
I run
against myself,
sloth
and expectation,
warring.
9-9-01 JV
Up the ladder:
Untitled
Down the ladder:
Bitch!
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.4166665
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PST; Last modified: May 16, 2002 12:34 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.5735493 Overall Rank: 12594 Comments:
[8]
nrevatehtni @
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22-Apr-02/11:24 AM
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Reply
bravo
this doesn't really catch me, but it feels like it almost did. I like the statement a lot.
for something so short it's really hard to make any sort of suggestion, but I think it would work better for me if it ended with expectation instead of warring -- "sloth warring with expectation"... separating the two more and giving it a stronger punch. maybe.
You could deliver such a profound idea in a more tasteful way.
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