Re: Lonely Soul by faded_twilight	14-May-02/1:12 AM
bleah. :(
regarding some deleted poem...	14-May-02/1:13 AM
ayup. lots of gongs.
Re: girl of eden [the shotgun approach] by boogah	14-May-02/1:25 AM
cute. :)
Re: Alchemy by Anemone	14-May-02/1:44 AM
a well-thought statement but the execution could use a fair amount of work -- the words need to loosen up some, sound less forced...
regarding some deleted poem...	14-May-02/3:33 AM
ouch.
Re: untitled by lazuli42	14-May-02/3:34 AM
I don't get it.
Re: you soften me by silvertongueddevil	14-May-02/3:35 AM
cute. a bit unsteady in places, but overall nice. :)
Re: broken thought by spoink	14-May-02/3:37 AM
:heh:
regarding some deleted poem...	15-May-02/10:27 PM
sufficient shouldn't have an "enough" with it. sufficient *is* enough. overall, I like this piece. [audible, not auidable] I think also too many "ands" than necessary to make your point. It detracts. also, for pluralizing and, you might try "and"s, as opposed to and's.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-May-02/11:21 PM
typo: noeone cotton shirts respond to ermin? vermin? cotton shirts?? the rhythm overall is pretty good, but it stumbles in several places (for instance, "but don't repair it for the criminal element mounting"); also, while it's reasonably well done I don't see much that sets it apart from a million other rants on such.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-May-02/12:27 AM
very sweet/beautiful. I really like the effect you get with "toss turn eyes" and such. However, I think s2 and s3 use too many words, or use words that are too, well, too prose... this poem falls into (what I feel is) too much prose in a few other places. I think trimmed it would really shine. :)
Re: unoriginal by boogah	22-May-02/12:28 AM
hmm. good point, but I think you could say it better.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-May-02/12:33 AM
thanks, that sounds good. :) I like the use of dashes to help. =)
Re: Baby Turtle Hop by ruella	29-May-02/3:04 AM
while this could probably be some sort of rap if filled with enough sexual energy for the music video, umm... didn't do much for me.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-May-02/3:06 AM
isn't g dub a dictator? bleah. and I have to agree this is not a haiku.
Re: destinys anguish by Adjudicator	29-May-02/3:17 AM
I like the "here then there"ness of the poem, but it doesn't tie together for me, nor really have much effect. As much as I like the word "envelopes" (and entwines), I think I need a clearer image or statement. Certain words felt like they were just tossed in without consideration for the rest of the poem: envelopes, zephyr, bedraggled, (pierot?). I think apostraphes where "necessary" would have helped somewhat, especially as you used (a plethora of) exclamation marks and a goodly number of commas.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-May-02/3:19 AM
well put, but somehow falls short of the mark. I think more punctuation would have helped, and maybe the specifics could have been more general in places (the poem didn't really make me feel as if it were talking to me, for all the "you/your") but still, overall well done. I think some tweaking could make it nigh amazing. some work on the flow/rhythm, perhaps.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-May-02/11:00 AM
a bit redundant/pedantic for my tastes.
Re: alone by mia	29-May-02/11:00 AM
no thanks.
Re: the doorman by nessness	29-May-02/11:01 AM
almost, but doesn't quite work for me.