DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

the doorman

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 4 comments

gray eyes lend indifference to the world. red coat with gold trim doesn't match his stony face. the people come and go all so different they become individual drops in one vast sea alike-- the beautiful the matronly the human race. all leave their keys at the door and once in a while remember to express gratitude to the doorman.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.90 weighted 5.86 rank 1547 views 137 View voting details →

20 votes so far. Yours would make 21.20 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] deleted user 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply

I'd cut off first line before "to the world." Also, some qualitative judgement seems appropriate on the second line -- ie, gay red coat and... or party red... or something (perhaps). MAtronly/beutiful -- what about masculine? Good job.

[6] anonymous 6-Apr-02/4:10 PM Reply

That's how I would picture God minus the stony face.

[5] nentwined 29-May-02/11:01 AM Reply

almost, but doesn't quite work for me.

[6] Tarquin De La Bog 13-Aug-02/6:03 PM Reply

I quite like this, but there's not enough. 6. I'd just got into it, and it ended. Write more next time; I'd like to see what you have to say for yourself in a longer piece.