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the doorman (Free verse) by nessness

gray eyes lend indifference to the world. red coat with gold trim doesn' t match his stony face. the people come and go all so different they become individual drops in one vast sea alike-- the beautiful the matronly the human race. all leave their keys at the door and once in a while remember to express gratitude to the doorman.

markb 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I'd cut off first line before "to the world." Also, some qualitative judgement seems appropriate on the second line -- ie, gay red coat and... or party red... or something (perhaps). MAtronly/beutiful -- what about masculine? Good job.




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