| Re: Utah by A. Nomaly |
30-Nov-02/5:12 PM |
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i don't get it, but i like it. esp. the savant left-hand tools
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Nov-02/5:22 PM |
nice, esp. "hibernating like seed"
i don't get this part:
She's got everything it takes
Except of course
(question marks).
Status.
why the line (question marks).?
also, in scene 3, maybe 'conflict has entered the cell'? for the double entendre of film/trapped?
p.s.
:]
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| Re: broken bottles by richa |
30-Nov-02/5:30 PM |
which tubes are locked still by the storm? i feel clouds in s1 and again in s2, but i know this about the low moaning voice of the wind--so where do the roots come from in s3?
give me a clue>?
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| Re: Once upon a Christmas Eve by exoticwriter |
30-Nov-02/5:35 PM |
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| Re: Sealed with a kiss by Sugarbbybuttrfly |
30-Nov-02/5:36 PM |
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um, should you have maybe put this in a letter to dan, so that only he saw it? i wish you had done that. truly i do.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Nov-02/5:42 PM |
tint-this might pack more punch if you lost the passive voice, e.g., 'faces have been haunting me at night' or even, faces are haunting me at night'...
like the imagery. lots.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Nov-02/5:45 PM |
"And I am powerless to draw your face in sound." howzabout 'write you voice in sound', since that's what you're on about?
again, beautifully done.
if you fall in love again, imagine the words you'll write. you note loss and longing so sweetly/sadly/superbly
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| Re: this is us by roses are read |
30-Nov-02/5:46 PM |
"to fix the goddamn thing so it doesn't tell the truth anymore."
who ever tells the truth, he dies.
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| Re: The postman just walked in, no ring was heard. by Bachus |
30-Nov-02/5:48 PM |
it's been too late for a long time, poor chap. admitting you have a problem is the first step, though.
sante! <slurp>
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| Re: Of Curves and Straight Lines by Quarton |
30-Nov-02/5:59 PM |
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hone it. excellent ideas and images, but the clustering, the clustering! it drowns the piece.
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| Re: Iced by debased |
2-Dec-02/6:32 AM |
your line breaks don't make sense--bring the colors up onto the lines they modify, unless you have a reason for isolating them...
and, what is it that makes you unhappy now? maybe close with that.
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| Re: ODE TO NICHOLAS JONES III by lukehanney |
2-Dec-02/6:52 AM |
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this is very funny. i had no idea that nicholas jones was such a resource for the poet in you.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Dec-02/6:53 AM |
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are you secretly in love with NJ? and trying to come out to the poemranker community?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Dec-02/6:54 AM |
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maybe you should try it, and write a poem about it....
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Dec-02/6:58 AM |
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was that the urinal cake that jake ate?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Dec-02/8:08 AM |
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all but the last line--disdain doesn't match lightning for me. quiver, maybe, but never disdain.
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| Re: The Slanty Shanty by Quarton |
2-Dec-02/8:17 AM |
very prosaic, and thoroughly enjoyable. i agree with hatters hare; also, fix a few typos.
reminds me of the time when a tornado went through new haven, taking out all the century-old sycamores and breaking not a single pane on the greenhouse across the street...
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| Re: Live from Boise Idaho...the cads! by Bachus |
2-Dec-02/8:30 AM |
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DAMMIT, MAN! STOP READING MY DIARY!
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| Re: Silence by Cha no Onna |
3-Dec-02/8:29 AM |
this is beautiful.
but, in the third stanza, you say we sing, then in the single line (s4?) you say that you are mute. you keep crossing the line/confusing solitary (i, them) and together (we). if you worked this out, this would be near perfect. nice job.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Dec-02/8:32 AM |
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you,ve remebered an awful lot for someone who has forgotten. nice job.
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