| Re: unsent by Bill Z Bub |
2-Jan-03/9:04 PM |
|
ahh. and again. you seducer.
|
|
|
 |
| Re: Kernel by anitawit |
2-Jan-03/9:08 PM |
Passing through many sieves in many lives
I grow less and less in size
Becoming stronger
Getting closer
To the
Kernel
|
|
|
|
| Re: The Advent Of Monsoon by anitawit |
2-Jan-03/9:15 PM |
very evocative and viceral.
in your last line, perhaps the rains could touch/tap at/strum your window (any action as performed by a hand, as that is the metaphor you establish in the line before it)
|
|
|
|
| Re: He Told Me Once by anitawit |
2-Jan-03/9:17 PM |
he must enjoy this torture, rapturously. if he stays to be tormented further.
|
|
|
|
| Re: #10 by daniella |
2-Jan-03/10:24 PM |
indigo.
i didn't say it before, but i voted it so. this is satisfying in the most spare way. thank you for giving me something from the ethers that i might turn over and over in my salty palm.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Just clubbing fur seals by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
3-Jan-03/6:44 AM |
h--i liked this very much, but it ain't a villanelle. for a tongue-in-cheek, fill-in-the-blanks look at the pattern of a villanelle, see nentwined's "killer boredom butterfly (esoteric). you gotta repeat and exchange the lines, mon frere. and it's all ababababababab rhyming. mayb baba should wright it? she's got the chops and the name for it.
just go on and change this to free verse, and leave it be. there's a few picayunes, but i'll get back to you on those.
ta.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/7:01 AM |
|
insert the lines 'decked in orange marigolds/and licked with winded honey' after the 'squeak!' and then, my friend, you will have a REAL haiku.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Wanking by Bobjim |
3-Jan-03/7:06 AM |
now, settle, you know i've been there, and we've tried every single one of my 'appliances'... what kind of batteries did h say to use? because, damn you, you keep running them (and me) dry. you cheeky little energizer bunny, you!
|
|
|
|
| Re: Fortune cookie by INTRANSIT |
3-Jan-03/9:02 AM |
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/10:37 AM |
|
why did i not see this before? i need to read this after more time has elapsed. i have been hooked, and my left cheek will never be the same.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/1:46 PM |
mine is longer, and uses more college words.
nah nah nahnah nah!
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/2:29 PM |
|
why does this need to be seaparated by numerals? your second stanza is fragmentary--unnclear--does not resolve the subject/object described
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/3:14 PM |
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/8:11 PM |
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jan-03/8:15 PM |
should auld acquaintance be forgot...
maybe. but not this poem. i like very much the final resolution here.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Jan-03/10:09 AM |
aren't croupiers exclusively on craps tables? aren't they called that because of the crop they handle the dice with?
i could be wrong. our casinos out here are just babies, after all.
nice images, but needs some refining
|
|
|
|
| Re: Her Name was Lisa by Owner of the Sky |
5-Jan-03/11:58 AM |
Your eyes twinkled at me
Like faithless lillies;
what a great line. you make the mood very clear without falling into cliche. good job.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Jan-03/8:38 PM |
|
ah, settle. you pissed me off when you ran off with ornella, and i swore i'd never talk to you again. farewell, laddie! adieu!
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Jan-03/10:29 PM |
don't forget the wheelchair.
THOSE COME IN HANDY!!!!!
|
|
|
|
| Re: Tingling by INTRANSIT |
7-Jan-03/10:42 PM |
|
indeed! i am sure they were!
|
|
|
|
