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Kernel

Member since 2002 · Posted 2 Jan 2003 · 9 comments

I pass through many sieves in my many lives The lesser I grow in size The stronger I become Approaching closer To the Kernel

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8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

9 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 2-Jan-03/11:33 AM Reply

Simply,cool. love it.

[n/a] anitawit › INTRANSIT 2-Jan-03/8:48 PM Reply

Thanks. It's encouraging to have you guys read my poems.

[7] <~> 2-Jan-03/11:37 AM Reply

can you refine those last 3 lines--make them a little denser, more toward the kernel, if you will?

good idea.

[n/a] anitawit › <~> 2-Jan-03/8:54 PM Reply

Thanks for the comment, will work on it.

[n/a] anitawit › <~> 2-Jan-03/8:57 PM Reply

Should I work on the last three lines at the expense of the shape...?

[8] wOrnella Mutiw 2-Jan-03/5:14 PM Reply

I like......81/2

[7] <~> 2-Jan-03/9:08 PM Reply

Passing through many sieves in many lives
I grow less and less in size
Becoming stronger
Getting closer
To the
Kernel

[7] <~> › <~> 2-Jan-03/9:11 PM Reply

i have made this edit for you to show you what i meant--the text needs to be centered as you had it, but won't translate in the comment box.

Also, you have several verb tenses working against each other--i suggest making it less passive, more active so the poem shows that you are in some way contributing to the path towards the center.

i hope these comments were useful to you, and hope i have not overstepped.

[n/a] anitawit › <~> 2-Jan-03/10:01 PM Reply

Not at all. In fact i am greatful you gave so much time & effort. i get the idea from your edit, but i'm not satisfied yet, will work on it and edit with your advice in mind.