Replying to a comment on:

Kernel (Free verse) by anitawit

I pass through many sieves in my many lives The lesser I grow in size The stronger I become Approaching closer To the Kernel

<~> 2-Jan-03/9:11 PM
i have made this edit for you to show you what i meant--the text needs to be centered as you had it, but won't translate in the comment box.

Also, you have several verb tenses working against each other--i suggest making it less passive, more active so the poem shows that you are in some way contributing to the path towards the center.

i hope these comments were useful to you, and hope i have not overstepped.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001