Re: Is This Love by intheailse |
29-Mar-03/8:44 AM |
Did you just try to rhyme "fire" with "time"? Good Lord.
The only thing worse than a poem that insists on rhyming is a poem that insists on rhyming and fails.
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regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Mar-03/11:40 PM |
Julia Stiles already wrote this poem--or one close enough as to make no difference.
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Re: Dance With Me by marvelis |
1-Apr-03/10:57 AM |
I'm sorry, this is painfully bad.
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regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Apr-03/11:31 AM |
You turn a mean phrase. Well done.
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regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Apr-03/11:34 AM |
I'm sure you already know what this poem is.
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Re: selfish by <~> |
6-Apr-03/10:40 PM |
S'good. I like it. Most people come across as pretentious or psuedo-intellectual when they use words like "miasma," but you manage to make it work, and I have to respect that.
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Re: hard as a rock by <~> |
6-Apr-03/11:17 PM |
Best vilanelle I've seen on this site to date. As in the greats--"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" being the example that leaps foremost to mind--you make the structure feel natural and sensible instead of painfully forced. That isn't easy to do.
That being said, I do have a small complaint. In the final two stanzas, the second line in each breaks from the established rhythm. "Parry" and "weary" are both stressed on the penultimate syllable, whereas every other line in the poem is stressed on the final syllable. Read it aloud; you'll hear it.
Other than that, wonderful, wonderful.
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Re: i cant' let him go by roses are red |
6-Apr-03/11:58 PM |
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Re: Love Squirts by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
20-May-03/3:07 PM |
Thank you for sharing. It's this kind of frank, open dicussion of pressing issues that this country needs more of.
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Re: Theology by dougsoderstrom |
23-May-03/2:11 PM |
Stop telling everyone, everywhere, to read this. It's atrociously bad.
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Re: Forever by Felzpoet |
25-May-03/7:34 PM |
Hey, I understand that you're just trying to make things rhyme, but "Never out will my love for you run"? Come on, that one HURTS. As Churchill would say, it's "an outrage up with which I will not put."
Rule of thumb: If you have to mangle your syntax beyond recognition, the rhyme isn't worth it.
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