Re: Something for Lynn by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
7-Mar-03/10:33 AM |
almost there. still a little young.
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Re: Love spank by Shardik |
7-Mar-03/11:44 AM |
funny and completely worthless at the same time.
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regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Mar-03/2:30 PM |
This is funny in away I don't think you mean it to be. Way overdramatic!
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Re: Keanu Vs The mystery of life by Shardik |
7-Mar-03/2:31 PM |
Pretty pointless and off the mark for a haiku. Sorry.
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Re: if only you could read my mind love by sk8boardandpoems |
7-Mar-03/2:33 PM |
This sounds like you are actually attempting to write a childish poem.
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Re: The Blooding by Mr Pig |
7-Mar-03/2:45 PM |
Some good wording, but it suffers a loss of imagery toward the end and the metaphor you implement becomes weak and tired. You might cut down on the heady language and quit telling so much. At least that is what I would do. but it is still decent in some regards.
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regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Mar-03/2:48 PM |
The images don't make alot of sense. It sounds more like you threw a bunch of words together that sound cool and called it finished.
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Re: The deafening silence in the world or something by Bachus |
7-Mar-03/2:50 PM |
It is pretty bad when you have to end you work with a quote from a song.
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Re: Unholy War by marvelis |
7-Mar-03/3:31 PM |
Lots of cliches. Lots of them.
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