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The Blooding (Free verse) by Mr Pig
I remember the smell of rubbed tobacco, And the shiny black boots that squeaked when they walked, My Father kept an ivory horn in his belt, He would obsessively check it every moment, I remember the cackle of their laughter, And the cut glass accents of Private school when they talked. All the horses were meticulously brushed, And the hounds were intimidated systematically, A palsied old man would stick tape to his monocle, His horse was wilder than a foxglove. I remember seeing the red jackets ride in unison, And polishing the brass motif on his ancestors gun. The sky was always vivisected by dusk, My Father always said a red sky is a good omen. When I saw him return from hunting, I thought he had been shot in the face, I ran to hug him crying throughout the embrace, My father laughed and asked if I wanted to be a man, I excitedly agreed, He then grasped my neck, And cast my face in to the vixens entrails, All I remember is the taste, The texture of a black jelly on my tongue, And the laughter of the huntsmen, The disappointment etched on my fathers face like a late picasso, Blurred in salt tears that burned the foxes blood, It was my blooding, My coming of age, And I hated my father for turning the page.

Up the ladder: Gemini
Down the ladder: fragment

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 289
.. 32
.. 51
.. 42
.. 00
.. 30
.. 21
.. 00
.. 10
.. 02
.. 716

Arithmetic Mean: 6.2325583
Weighted score: 6.2325583
Overall Rank: 943
Posted: February 11, 2003 9:25 AM PST; Last modified: February 11, 2003 9:25 AM PST
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Comments:
[10] god'swife @ 209.178.178.167 | 11-Feb-03/2:47 PM | Reply
Packs a mean punch. Loved the ending, with its coming of age blood. A blurring of the line. I have to re-read the rest.
[10] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 11-Feb-03/6:00 PM | Reply
GOLDEN Q TIP... Why? well... deer blood and private school of course.
[10] scitz @ 62.105.88.10 | 12-Feb-03/2:32 AM | Reply
oooooh you foxy fucker, this is 1st class
[10] INTRANSIT @ 66.156.203.66 | 12-Feb-03/8:46 AM | Reply
good. rude. good n rude.
[7] razorgrin @ 192.197.142.53 | 13-Feb-03/1:21 PM | Reply
impressive images.
[9] <~> @ 67.84.174.185 | 18-Feb-03/3:30 PM | Reply
things i like:
cut glass accents
wilder than a foxglove
vivisected sky
disappointemnt like a late picasso

thing i don't:
"always" 2 lines in a row

please explain because i don't understand this line:
Blurred in salt tears that burned the foxes blood,
[n/a] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 | 18-Feb-03/5:14 PM | Reply
Listen, could you write a poem about how you and me are two entirely different people that write nothing like one another? thanks. It's just that i'm getting phone calls were people are claiming you're me, and we're not. I'm sure you can respect the seriousness of the situation. thanks.
[n/a] Mr Pig @ 62.105.88.10 > Shardik | 19-Feb-03/5:11 AM | Reply
Oh how awful the ubiquitous irony of mistaken identity. I would like to state to all at poemranker that Sir Shardik is NOT Mr Pig, as for the phone calls I suggest you contact the police.
Please offer me your opinion on the poem my good fellow and oblige me with your views.

Thank you, and good luck in this dill pickle of a sour note.
[10] god'swife @ 209.179.214.79 | 23-Feb-03/5:11 PM | Reply
Top-notch. I think if I had read this in some publication i would have pased out. There are things I want to say to you, but I no it is better not to reveal them. We are a kind.

This poem captures me like a trap. The words are so inticing, and then whoosh! the rope strangles my ankle, and in a split second I'm upside-down and dangling. Cut me down Mr. Pig. Take me back to the cottage, I'll fry you some taters, scrub out the bathtub, and all with Lady's hands.

Seriously you've built a profound thing. "Black jelly" "huntsmen" again the Judas- your father, doing what he must, and all of us hating him for it. Most importantly you cross the barrier and make menstruation a universal experience. I have never seen a man attempt it before, and I doubt I well ever see one do a better job of it.
[n/a] Mr Pig @ 62.105.88.10 > god'swife | 24-Feb-03/1:53 AM | Reply
You have made my day dear. I am in awe of your work and a positive endorsement from you is sacrisant. Your comment made me cry
[10] spank me baby yeah @ 62.105.88.10 | 24-Feb-03/2:21 AM | Reply
I HATE WRITERS LIKE YOU, BUT ITS JEALOUSY, YOU GOT THE KUDOS AND THE 10
[10] sk8boardandpoems @ 24.167.109.182 | 25-Feb-03/12:39 PM | Reply
DAMN GOOD man i think ur poem s excellent i am the one u wrote about and said dont kill yourself and u thought i was a hormonal young boy and i am not a boy and i am a girl i am 12 years of age and i would just like to point that out my poems are not even as half as good as yourss are because i have only been writein for like 4 years off and on and as i can imagine u have alot more years on me with both age and writing poems and just everythig about it i would appreciate it if u could maybe coach me into how making peoiple visualize my poems..u are probably thinking why would i want to help her...well because this could maybe be my career i love writing and i would like some herlp from a professional..thank you
[n/a] CrAzYlAdY Surukain @ 66.218.250.64 > sk8boardandpoems | 26-Feb-03/2:13 PM | Reply
.........^ YEA DITTO but im 13 so neway^ Ditto! minus the hormonal young boy bit.
[10] Nanshe @ 67.84.174.185 | 26-Feb-03/5:53 PM | Reply
Black jelly on your tongue, indeed. Bravo.
[8] Ranger @ 213.1.45.6 | 27-Feb-03/2:40 PM | Reply
Glorious. Possibly put an extra 'remember' into the last five lines just for emphasis? Although I don't know whether that would perhaps upset the balance of the poem. 8
[10] Garrett S Sexton @ 213.122.85.115 | 2-Mar-03/12:26 PM | Reply
I KNOW A GAY HUNTSMAN,
BUT THANX TO Tony B, HE'LL BE OUT OF A JOB SOON.

Is that ya dad?

I give 10
[10] Crakyamuni @ 140.211.112.170 | 5-Mar-03/8:19 AM | Reply
damn.
[10] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 5-Mar-03/5:41 PM | Reply
Fucking Babbit, maybe not, but you could only be three others do you remember Nick Monson, or something other by chance? By the way this poem is fucking amazing, and baby i aint too shy to say. I've read it ten times and each time it just doubles up, really, upon further review of your work, i'm convinced you are dark angel, but settle could do this too. If you were a woman I would love you like no other slave, but you're not. sooooooooo. i concure, and somehow you have me believing my friend that you did this, which frankly concerns me. lol. here's another ten keep them coming God knows i aint working, might as well read. And drink, heavily.
[0] morffrom @ 212.159.107.13 | 6-Mar-03/2:01 PM | Reply
Not a vegetarian then ?
[10] scitz @ 62.105.88.10 | 7-Mar-03/3:15 AM | Reply
Read this again, and it improves every time
[4] lost in america @ 65.100.176.196 | 7-Mar-03/2:45 PM | Reply
Some good wording, but it suffers a loss of imagery toward the end and the metaphor you implement becomes weak and tired. You might cut down on the heady language and quit telling so much. At least that is what I would do. but it is still decent in some regards.
[5] andrewjthomas @ 192.150.10.150 > lost in america | 29-Apr-03/3:38 PM | Reply
i'm gonna have to agree with you here
for instance, why even state the last three lines?
you should trust the reader to infer all of that
(i do have to say "texture of black jelly" is an inspired line)
[8] deleted user @ 66.8.154.13 | 8-Mar-03/1:21 AM | Reply
nicely done
[10] lynnstratton @ 12.250.19.77 | 30-Mar-03/9:42 AM | Reply
Simply superb.
[n/a] Mr Pig @ 62.105.88.10 > lynnstratton | 31-Mar-03/8:40 AM | Reply
Why thank you Ma'm
[2] asimpleman @ 202.141.239.130 | 7-Apr-03/8:24 AM | Reply
So ur father still hunts or he quit and became an animal rights activist?.....hahaha
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 | 8-Apr-03/9:22 AM | Reply
WAYS TO SPICE UP YOUR LIFE

#3 OF 100
Play the theme music from 'The Pink Panther' while searching for your keys or wallet. It will make the hunt tremendously exciting, and you will not mind if you miss your train or have to go to work nude.
[7] Mutant_X @ 212.138.47.12 | 11-Apr-03/3:57 PM | Reply
the last 3 stanzas are realy what makes this poem,and i liked using the (I remember) at the begining of a new line.i give it 7
[10] talking_goldfish @ 62.253.128.7 | 21-Apr-03/5:51 PM | Reply
awe-inspiring (*10*)
[10] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.102 | 27-Apr-03/5:25 PM | Reply
even better the third time around!!!
[10] Mona Lisa @ 62.105.88.10 | 6-May-03/5:23 AM | Reply
Very touching and vividly told I loved your use of language and metaphor.

Why didnt you call yourself Mr Fox?
I vote you a 9 its wonderful.
[n/a] Christof @ 217.44.71.91 | 13-May-03/4:12 AM | Reply
This is more like it - a really singular poem, full of arresting images and visceral description. Your feelings of disgust and betrayal are palpable. Love the 'palsied old man'. Brilliant stuff
[n/a] dougsoderstrom @ 207.80.112.1 | 23-May-03/1:12 PM | Reply
Read Soderstrom's new poem (Theology)----it's great!
[10] DeadtotheWorld @ 12.80.128.92 | 30-May-03/11:32 PM | Reply
Very few words cam describe how beautiful this poem, yet i don't know those words. 10
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > DeadtotheWorld | 31-May-03/4:27 AM | Reply
Could you possibly have said anything gayer? If the only thing you can think of to say about this poeme is that it is "beautiful", you shouldn't have said anything at all. You plainly don't even have any idea what you mean when you say "beautiful", except that it's a vague combination of stultifyingly simplistic moralising, facile childhood reminiscence and arbitrary linebreaks.

And if you "don't know those words", how the fuck do you know that "very few words cam describe how beautiful this poem"?
[10] deleted user @ 66.75.214.103 | 11-Jun-03/12:46 PM | Reply
Amazing job, Mr. Pig... the only word that comes even close to describing how I felt while reading this poem is "wow." Bravo.
[10] Kitch @ 62.105.88.10 | 12-Jun-03/1:39 AM | Reply
Strong and powerful reminiscence piece. Excellent
[10] Kitch @ 195.92.168.169 | 25-Jul-03/12:39 PM | Reply
AwEsOmE
[10] deleted user @ 63.228.147.122 | 1-Oct-03/8:01 PM | Reply
A fine read. This piece is very descriptive and almost like a poem I had read by Sylvia Plath. :)
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