| Re: Seven by Dangzter |
15-Jun-03/2:00 PM |
|
Excuse me Lord, but that's my foot.
|
|
|
 |
| Re: Sittin Here by psikosis |
15-Jun-03/1:58 PM |
|
I concure with Richa. It's too loose.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Janine (a set of haikus) by capachijim |
15-Jun-03/1:56 PM |
|
Noun or verb instead of "one".
|
|
|
|
| Re: Seven by Dangzter |
15-Jun-03/1:52 PM |
|
Lord, don't let me in. Save yourself from the onslaught of homosexuals, niggers, chinks, and Jews that would inturn ensue. Think of the integrity of heaven Lord. I believe, Lord, I must decline because I love you and the others to much to risk the impurity.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Seven by Dangzter |
15-Jun-03/1:06 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: New school nursery rhymes by DeadtotheWorld |
15-Jun-03/12:31 PM |
|
Shat, shate, and shating make reading any poor poets poem worth it, but the rest of your work here is shat, and particularly general and unimaginative. Perhaps if you would have fucked Dina with a dwarf's gnarled caloused fist holding a square bowling ball? Or turned the spider into Carl Jung's left testicle carrying a rose in it's teeth, maybe if you added the noise of an airplane flying overhead, or a loudspeaker ending a factory's break, I might of felt more connected?
|
|
|
|
| Re: To Mouse and Reason by Spindle |
15-Jun-03/12:20 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: Pendulum swing lines by INTRANSIT |
15-Jun-03/12:07 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: If i Father by Wulf |
14-Jun-03/7:25 PM |
|
If you punctuated your I's and and grammarically scrutinized over an edit you'd, I believe, get the marks that this deserves.
|
|
|
|
| Re: If i Father by Wulf |
14-Jun-03/7:24 PM |
|
Also... Three dots are better than 4.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Janine (a set of haikus) by capachijim |
14-Jun-03/7:19 PM |
Nicely done, did you know that I was the first person on this site to group together sets of haikus to tell a broader story? Now you do. My only red mark would be
"The prettiest one,
Everyone meets in their life,
That captures them so."
Using one right before everyone? And then again later, unless your title was "one" then it might work, but not here. Change second stanza's "one" into a stronger none, or verb, such as nymph, thing, love, girl, can, upholestry, get my drift? Otherwise 8. Now leave me alone.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Dear God; by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
14-Jun-03/7:12 PM |
|
How did you know my nickname, by the way, Did I tell you that?
|
|
|
|
| Re: Dear God; by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
14-Jun-03/7:11 PM |
Haiku (freeverse) by bike
In this poem?
You represent god.
Could you tell?
|
|
|
|
| Re: Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL |
14-Jun-03/6:58 PM |
|
I'm changing my 2 to a 7, because you deserve better here. You've paid your dues, and this piece stood its ground, and it still does. I would make it an 8, but I hate tylenol, because my cousin died of Ryan's syndrome.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on In (ghazal) by INTRANSIT |
14-Jun-03/6:45 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: In (ghazal) by INTRANSIT |
14-Jun-03/9:18 AM |
|
Try to edit this making each sentence seperate yet connected, lover.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Dear God; by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
13-Jun-03/4:28 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on How I fuck Freud off in the shower by horus8 |
13-Jun-03/11:47 AM |
|
Your right, in the grasp of madness I completely forget the difference (between nominating and recieving), well done, carry on then.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Advise by Audaciouslilgrl |
13-Jun-03/11:44 AM |
Unfortunately I'm scared to DEATH to be me, and that, thank god, is how I put that much more Kale into my "apocalyptic" power poetry (Jared Leto taught that to me one night while we were 30 seconds to Uranus)
Now a prayer;
Oh lord, let this curse of brilliance subside so I can walk around in bad lala poetry land with these wretched little fucking computer brats and their ridiculous real life observations that they've obviously garnered from the computer also, and or a close friend, that found early age tragedy. Lord let them read more and quit making my eye balls spontaneously deflate, and my asshole randomly whistle strange alien anthems in the cold dark fistings of the night, Amen.
Ps. Send my the new pringles before anyone else sweet jesu i fucking love pringles.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on How I fuck Freud off in the shower by horus8 |
13-Jun-03/11:26 AM |
|
We cannot do that unfortunately my young beautiful little bunny, because, well see, I invented that AWARD a year ago, and that makes it antikewl... Hey, wait a minute? That's it! Give me an GQT Awarde and I'll finally be free of the poemranker curse I can leave this accursed baby blue wasteland, and go back to my normal life as a bent toilet cleaning brush in Robert Downey Jr's spare bath.
|
|
|
|
