Re: a comment on SupremeDreamer by Nirvana13666	24-Sep-03/11:36 AM
Jackanapes and smoke buttons Why I spit? Well that's simple. Take a long fucking look At your logic, and method, And obsessive compulsive need for security blankets. I watched you for days. Gossip to friends about Necessitous heartache. As I purged my bleeding Stomach and vomited in The Jacuzzi from the bad Catering sticking to my fingers and throat. But you, you kept it up the grand facade and orated to the deserving. About fast food and hand lotions, and your quick trips to Bermuda. Your trough fed Japanese gardener. I saw you then as you always were, but different, better, a blue bleeder. A fine diner, and the toast of Oxford. And then… Then a great day came when you let me kiss your pinky ring, and play with your Lionel train set down in the basement. You let me blow your whistle, and push the smoke button. I was so fucking happy I cried. Now look at you. Look at me. Wrecked, On the bridge Between paper Mountains, and a pair of your sisters Pomp pomes. Look at you. So fucking Cocksure. Making me. Make myself. Sick of us. While flipping over stones I found my love under a rock. In the backyard of my mind. With bare feet I'll load then cock. Although I'm shooting blind. It was that reckless attitude. Those chances I would take. I should have shown more gratitude. When they warned me of the snake. 'stead I frolicked mad in rapture. While flipping over stones. A worm was coiled, and poised to capture. This rolling of my bones. My head swings low, so sets the sun. Those holes bleed slow, the snake has won. Limericks of hot seething love, gone bad Was there ever a day when I knew? Just what a woman could do. To the walls of your heart. 'till death do us part. Dreams, and nightmares, come true. Some things should never be found. Because Love is a patient bloodhound. That is hot on your trail. You had better set sail. Since the earth is only so round. If Psyche would have just trusted in Eros, before she busted. The pact that they made, but she chose to trade. True love for a bed that was dusted. Then there was Pandora's box. How the curious woman unlocks. A container of sin. Just watch that bitch grin. Foxes in heat always win.
Re: SupremeDreamer by Nirvana13666	24-Sep-03/11:32 AM
Part I : Catching the Bird At a hotel room in Royal Oak Sleeping the day away. Upside down on the couch. The mail slot in the door would open, with a box of light, indiscriminately. A set of eyes with voice, "You got your rent?” Silently, I put my pants on. Letting the question answer itself. Border towns & the runs A border town faceless and hostile as a car bomb With sailors and donkeys And prostitutes that pull their life's work behind them In a suitcase on loud wheels. A drunken bald tattooed spic gets his head bashed in with a Corona bottle While I'm talking to a cute and pudgy beauty that thinks I'm as fruity As parrot soup & chili Verde. Everything is for sale Everyone is waiting To take you into their doors and give you a taste of your own medicine. One last walk around the cobble-stoned block A beautiful streetwalker flashes me her brown tits Then pulls up her skirt To whip out a dick. I flick my cigarette and then show her mine's bigger than hers, limp. Later, I go eat at something resembling a Denny's I order using the "English" menu I get the "scrabeled eggs and Bakon" with a smile turned mad grin. When the sun finally arrives I find a crack to climb into. To sleep it off, and wait it out. Having no intention of seeing these filthy in between people returning back to normal. Because, I know we won't ever let them. It's too fucking affordable, lazy, and risky. John Denver's Han glider Bobbing, fluorescents... Hot pink, electric blue nylon Wing, waves, slight breeze... Sunset, Albatross eyeing the situation. Always looking out for a lazy moment to preen and one leg. Spanning the remnants of music and water. I can vaguely hear a blowhole off in the distance. If I was not so hypothermic and disoriented. Treading for my life. I bet I could even imagine how its spray might feel; If my saturation currently was instead a desert, a dune, a Gila monster's paradise, and me oh my oh was not so awash with thirst and sun burnt laziness. Is that a dingy dinging? The bark of a sea lion? The fin of a Maeko shark? When I last hugged a tree? It was for dear life. I had been on peyote for days, and I was convinced that if I squeezed hard enough. It would pull me in. For good. Current, riptide, undertow. All fine examples of secret movement. Moon, blood, women. Yes, I'm awake. More bright eyed and bushy tailed than that hare who shunned holes for pipes and slippers and drumsticks. Fast, but not proud. Warm milk spoiled. Cycles, poles, reproduction. In my past life, I was a square boulder from Mu. Then some surly native went and carved me into a giant head with exaggerated ear lobes and lips. Doomed to fall face first, I did. Snow Coning Movie of the week "The man on the ice float" Drifting further south Than most have ever. He spies a plane circling And decides to piss the word "Privacy" in immaculate cursive. The plane writes, "Buy a car this 4th of July!" In large puffy cottony letters. The man ponders the invitation, But then hunches down & scoops himself a snow cone out of his new home with his hat. Happy fucking Birth Day, America. Thoughts on getting back On getting back; Who are you said plant to yr hazel. I am witch. I am your sore thumb. Glass explodes Death Gardel. & 7:30 comes. My grandfather has a flesh-eating bacteria. 1966 jungle parasite. STAFF SEEPING IN GAUZE JESUS ANTI PALM PRINT Black blood & full moon. Pull push fog lighthouse Tahoe. I lick my cold sore Who in the fuck are you? I am yr bad hand. I am yr rattrap Snapping dragon poppy sac kneel bicuspid slip yawning nap then twilight and Columbian guitar for my family Aye yah yah yah yah. cuckoo rue cuckoo. I am yr long nail. When I luv for keeps. I keep. Mini van Arco Mexican eyelash & miniature cantaloupe. When I was five I climbed trees. Yes, trees I hid I was silent & forgettable I extended I still am. pulling from, and to shadows. Now scratching at the shudder. rattle breath you do howl low you do still & yr mine, and only a vineyard and a grape walk and a long talk can save us now. Save us now and happen. Recording yr yesterdays. Air sickness bag Sitting next to you on that airplane could only be compared to being cooked alive by pygmies with no salt, or culinary etiquette. And when you started comparatively analyzing yourself to people in magazines? Was right about the time when I yawned and asked for a pillow and blanket.
Re: a comment on SupremeDreamer by Nirvana13666	24-Sep-03/11:29 AM
You can't boil a boiled egg, but I can swallow one whole. 1. Key point: drug induced ramblings are boring. 2. Not as boring as you, but boring none the less. That's why I don't write them anymore, but enjoy taking the ones I've written in the past and re-editing them to educate the younger poets as to the draw backs of self loathing. 3. If you could properly eat and walk. I'm sure you'd ramble too. though it would be face first onto a cock a ramble none the less! 4. God, I hope you didn't write that poem above because... It really is hopeless, and to put it bluntly and quote myself it's "A home run of shit". 5. Carl Sagan once said "Ego's are like collapsing stars, unless you're crippled or in a wheelchair than they are simply black holes" I never knew what he meant 'till now? 6. I am however in possession of a lot of creativity and Intelligence, and I'm sorry it wasn't contagious, toodlepip. I will, of course, be shoving the first half of my book onto this poem anyway. Choke on it. lol.
Re: electrocaridiogram by skaskowski	23-Sep-03/10:36 PM
I love your poetry, but I was a tad bit shocked to discover that you are a carpet muncher, and here I've been secretely hung up on you, and now me and my mother are just laughing at me, because see you are gay, and I am addicted to under ripe mangos with oedipus complexes so I guess we are even some how in SPACE! ehrr or some where lacking...
Re: a comment on Untitled (A Dark Angel Litmus) by Geschäftsreise	22-Sep-03/4:59 PM
I once rhymed luger with booger, and won a complimentary nose job.
Re: A Bucolic Fistful of Haiku by HaikuMofo	22-Sep-03/3:17 PM
Patty poop a shroom Where is my manure broom? Alas, dave ate it
Re: Untitled (A Dark Angel Litmus) by Geschäftsreise	22-Sep-03/3:13 PM
Did you hear about the time I rhymed Hep c with pepsi? Let me tell you... It was a popper.
Re: Madam Z - [<~>] - Snake Pen & Holy Grail by SupremeDreamer	22-Sep-03/3:09 PM
Yesterday, i sold my lips for a pair of matching butresses.
Re: Lacking by Nirvana13666	22-Sep-03/3:08 PM
Starts quite strong, but then unravels towards the end in cliche imagery.
Re: Psypher the new coming by Nirvana13666	22-Sep-03/3:06 PM
Yes, very.
Re: Murderers in the Tropics by Fear of Garbage	20-Sep-03/8:25 PM
"safe and warm" swap those two to "warm and safe". Other wise i thought this poem was a 10 and should get a GQT for sure. Strong symbolism, fantastic story and realtime essence, really, really a lovely piece.
Re: Lotion by impert&ent	20-Sep-03/7:47 PM
Wait let me give you a 7, because the title is killer.
Re: Lotion by impert&ent	20-Sep-03/7:47 PM
[_] AABB rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [_] About poetry-writing [x] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] Arbitrary indentation [x] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [x] Clerical errors [x] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair) [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [x] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [x] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves, unicorns, etc. [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [x] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [x] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [xxx] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [x] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc) [x] Pointedly unanswered questions [x] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [_] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [_] Sentimental [x] Author is self-obsessed [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment
Re: minotaur by Bill Z Bub	20-Sep-03/7:37 PM
Profound, but somehow the last stanza is too giving? Does that make any sense?
Re: a comment on I hate your guts and think you're stupid by horus8	20-Sep-03/7:29 PM
I don't go to church. I haven't been back since getting out of perocial school in the 6th grade 'pace schools' a bible page memorized a day.
Re: the wire by Bill Z Bub	20-Sep-03/5:42 PM
"found a hand, instead of you"
Re: I hate your guts and think you're stupid by horus8	20-Sep-03/5:20 PM
I am debonaire and handsome, trust me. but I guess the wings and fangs give it away sometimes.
Re: The words of touch by TheVoiceless	19-Sep-03/4:13 PM
[x] AABBCC rhyming scheme [x] About romantic love [x] Arbitrary indentation [x] Arbitrary line breaks [x] Autobiographical but in the third person [x] Clerical errors [x] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc. [x] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [x] Drug references [_] Elves, unicorns, etc. [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [x] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures [x] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [_] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [x] Sanctimoniously moral [x] Sappy _[] Self-pity [_] Suicide-related [x] Wish fulfilment
Re: The words of touch by TheVoiceless	19-Sep-03/4:07 PM
Jesus was no superstar. He was a superstar with cheese minus the special sauce.
Re: killer boredom butterfly (psychedelic) by nentwined	19-Sep-03/3:52 PM
fabulous, one of my all time favourite vilanelles, and in fact, it's the one I taught myself how to write vilanelles with a year ago, thankyou. 9.