regarding some deleted poem...	7-Jun-02/7:11 AM
I think this would work better as prose than poetry.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Jun-02/7:19 AM
Need to look at some of your spelling, such as dough ting, unless that is on purpose, also, I'm not certain that word really fits there. Also the rhyming scheme is odd, you start with one pattern of rhyme and switch throughout, without giving a break, so there is no consistency.
Re: The Cad by beakism	10-Jun-02/6:21 AM
You should work on the meter a little, towards the ened it seems like you're trying to fit more and more into each stanza, but it doesn't fit in with the meter.
Re: (untitled) by Mystifying	10-Jun-02/6:51 AM
Fix the formatting, it makes it very hard to read.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Jun-02/7:12 AM
Just a bit crude, and doesn't really say anything.
Re: Concrete by beakism	10-Jun-02/10:53 AM
Once again, the flow is really off, the words don't fit into the rhythym of the thing. Also the content is a bit bigoted, so far none of your poetry matches what I would expect from the description you gave in your profile, nor the way you critique a lot of these other people.
Re: wizard master by beakism	10-Jun-02/10:55 AM
Not quite certain what this is getting at. It doesn't say anything, it's not very descriptive, and it just kind of leaves one wondering what the point was.
Re: The Haiku by beakism	10-Jun-02/10:56 AM
This is just in bad form altogether. Calling people lazy merely because they choose to create their art differently than you do is just asinine.
Re: Conversation Unspoken by JuddNelson	10-Jun-02/10:59 AM
Nice
Re: wizard master by beakism	10-Jun-02/11:26 AM
I understand that poetry can be merely descriptive, and if you read my comment completely you would see that I also noted that it didn't really do much of a job of describing anything, which is why I wondered what the point was.
Re: The Haiku by beakism	10-Jun-02/11:28 AM
Many people use the form of something to insult it, it's called parody. Mad agazine for example makes fun of many movies, by using those movies and emphasising the poorer points of them. So you could very well be making fun of Haiku by writing it.
Re: Concrete by beakism	10-Jun-02/11:33 AM
I did read the poem, and it comes off as though you are on the side of the builder, you certainly don' represent them as uneducated or wrong, you merely imply that they are there and what they do is ok. Besides, using the builder to represent the uneducated is the wrong choice, his underlings, maybe, but considering the schooling it can take to get to the point where you would be an architect or foreman on a construction job, they are generally far from uneducated. Also, i never said you couldn't say the words really quickly, but it makes the poem sound akward and generally detracts from it's enjoyability to do so. Poems shouldn't have to be forced or rushed, they should flow. That is part of why they aren't prose, stories can rush, they don't have to have a meter, they just say what they want and that's that, but poetry should flow, as yours don't, plain and simple.
Re: Greeny nature by chigurukala	10-Jun-02/11:55 AM
Main complaint here is haiku should be 5,7,5 you have 5,6,3. Although I could be wrong. I'm not counting that last line because I'm not certain what it is, is it actually part of the poem, or something else?
Re: Meta by nentwined	10-Jun-02/12:09 PM
It goes well until the sudden insurgence of the word plan in all its many forms, which just starts to grate on the nerves.
Re: savior of humanity: by Sapphire	10-Jun-02/12:35 PM
Quick note, either pleas fal, or pleading falls, not pleads fall. Otherwise very interesting.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jun-02/9:34 AM
Interesting, but the last line with the sudden reference to the church threw me. If I understood the rest of the poem correctly it was referring to the government and such things as law enforcement, then at the very end church comes out of nowhere, just kind of threw me. Good though, I liked it.
Re: my body is a battle ground by roses are read	11-Jun-02/10:48 AM
Comparing Desert Storm with 9-11 is like comparing Vietnam with WWII. Desert Storm and Vietnam really had nothing to do with the American people other than trying to maintain our oil supplies, but WWII and the fighting after 9-11 are both, for America, anyway, wars fought to get revenge for and try to avert future large disaters visited upon the American people. What they have to do at all with the entire middle section of the poem I cannot personally comprehend.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jun-02/1:17 PM
Very....cliched? Not quite the word I want, but this has that whole been there, done that, got the t-shirt feel to it. Also, the rhymes seem realy, really forced here. Also, calling anyone in America innocent doesn't work for Bin Laden, to him one is as guilty as the next, despite age, it's a moot point. Certainly he would be happier if he had gotten the children as well, but the fact that they suffer with parents...not his concern. You can't yell at someone for something they will never see as wrong and expect them to listen, and it doesn't work well in the poem, either.
Re: Tainted by necroscope7	13-Jun-02/12:53 PM
Wow, thanks, I appreciate the compliment. I know I can be a bit harsh at times with my own comments, but i just try to be honest and straightforward, as i would hope for anyone else to be with me. i know my writing is farfrom perfect, and if people don't like it I want to know and i want to know why. It can be hard not to take it personally, but I know it will help to make me better at my craft in the long run. so in the same vein I hold no punches. maybe I make some people not like me, but hopefully by being honest I can help them to learn from things and become better themselves.