| Re: Oliver by Stephen Robins |
22-Mar-07/1:35 PM |
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This is a work of sheer beauty, I intend to print it out and plaster it above my bed so that every morning I am reminded of the wond'rousness of life.
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| Re: The Small Ones by Dovina |
22-Mar-07/1:33 PM |
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I liked the idea of the evolutionary equivalent of spiked hair and tongue studs, and the two lines about barnacles and termite queens are good. The rest sort of lost me. I am not in a very perceptive mood tonight though, so you shall have to forgive me.
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| Re: a comment on Untitled by Dovina |
22-Mar-07/1:29 PM |
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I will insult someone horribly one day, just for you. And also because 'chintzing' is the very best word I have seen all week.
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| Re: a comment on Untitled by Dovina |
22-Mar-07/1:28 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Untitled by Dovina |
21-Mar-07/12:04 PM |
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No, I think it is an excellent haiku. But I have 'funny views' concerning titles.
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| Re: Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
21-Mar-07/5:53 AM |
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By the way, I couldn't get the link to your music to work.
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| Re: Untitled by Dovina |
21-Mar-07/5:49 AM |
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This is a terrible haiku about an 'untitled'.
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| Re: A Lesson by nypoet22 |
21-Mar-07/5:46 AM |
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Sir, I am glad to see that you are able and well; we never did finish that renga.
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| Re: a comment on Finding Me by beaner14 |
21-Mar-07/5:44 AM |
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Try writing haiku about images. They don't need to be spectacular metaphors or anything, just get the hang of imagery and non-cliched description for the time being. Then move on to metre, and after that, to writing 'from experience' (whatever the hell that means). When all those requisites are fulfilled, you may begin your lessons in writing about the Loom - and then, my girl, an poete you shall be!
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| Re: Jess and Andrea during english class by jesslew |
15-Mar-07/3:06 AM |
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Change the first line of stanza 12 to "Ne'er leave me, Jesu"
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| Re: Pearl by Greeny |
13-Mar-07/2:37 PM |
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I liked most of this except for stanza 4
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| Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
13-Mar-07/2:35 PM |
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You know I go funny when syllables aren't stressed right...
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| Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
13-Mar-07/2:33 PM |
What I had in mind was a rhythm similar to the one you use in the first stanza (it's okay, you can despair at me if you like. I'm terrible at workshopping). The first two lines go like this:
da-DA da-DA-da, da-DA da-da-DA
DA-da, da-DA-da, DA-da-da DA
Does that make it any clearer?
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| Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
13-Mar-07/2:20 PM |
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Syllables don't matter, it's the meter which counts. You can add an unstressed syllable without interrupting the rhythm. They both line up fine, trust me.
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| Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
13-Mar-07/2:14 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
13-Mar-07/2:10 PM |
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They all seem to be from London. That should explain it really. I have to go to London this weekend, I think, to watch a friend's opera group. It's surprisingly entertaining, considering you can never work out what's actually being said by any of the characters.
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| Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
13-Mar-07/2:02 PM |
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Darn, I'll just go back to doing nothing then.
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| Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
13-Mar-07/2:01 PM |
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I preferred the first version, to tell the truth. It was simple and quite sweet whereas now it ends in a rather gloomy fashion.
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| Re: Her Mitts by Nepanthe |
13-Mar-07/1:59 PM |
May I make another suggestion? Keep the internal rhymes going throughout, they work well in the first stanza.
And be prepared for people to read 'My hands brave the Winter's groin'.
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| Re: snacktime by jesslew |
13-Mar-07/1:48 PM |
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Cute, richa's right about the last line though. Pick something less bland to say.
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