Re: Flowers by Dovina	5-Feb-07/1:31 AM
The last stanza is good, I don't much care for 'given from the heart' though. Is the opening verse yours?
Re: Fuck Shelters, & fuck OutReach Court. by SupremeDreamer	5-Feb-07/1:35 AM
"just because my associate happens to be psychologically challenged with retarded glee, and 'cause my fashion sense is rather shabby..." ...is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Although you used 'glee' earlier in the piece, not that I'm complaining or anything.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Feb-07/1:39 AM
It starts off well (although 'broken backs/cold mountains' - are they deliberate references to two films which I never went to see?) but loses the thread a little in the final stanza. The Greek references clash too strongly with what you talk about previously; I'd try to either chip them out or make them more subtle.
Re: Tea,One Night Stands and Smores by Bethy	5-Feb-07/7:40 AM
Sweet, good rhythm too
regarding some deleted poem...	8-Feb-07/8:27 AM
This is a joke piece, isn't it?
Re: a days journey by donmiguel1960	8-Feb-07/8:31 AM
What do you mean when you say 'today I've awoken week in spirit'? Is it a typo, or are you making a profound temporal and spiritual claim?
regarding some deleted poem...	8-Feb-07/8:33 AM
I was sure this was going to be a 'My Sharona' parody; now I feel shortchanged...
regarding some deleted poem...	8-Feb-07/8:42 AM
Good lord, what is this? Confessional was last week at the -=All_Saints=- chapel, where they dished out shreds of prose to reformed KFC addicts. But seriously, this should probably be re-arranged into prose; your tendency seems to be one of storytelling. I liked it, and didn't know whether to laugh, cry or strap on a bulletproof vest - but I'd prefer it in a more accessible mode.
Re: Sunday night is Curry night by ==Doylum	8-Feb-07/8:49 AM
Genius
Re: Married by INTRANSIT	8-Feb-07/8:50 AM
Superb
Re: Stone Tablets by fevriere	8-Feb-07/9:38 AM
Brilliant, every teenager should read this.
Re: Ode to a Pimple-Lyric Spawned by Phalkon's Greasy Face. by SupremeDreamer	10-Feb-07/3:06 AM
This is pure, sheer art. The weight of heartfelt emotion is expressed beautifully through words like 'emotion' and 'blood', juxtaposing the imagery of life with that of death (as implied in phrases such as 'I now wish to be very very dead'). Moreover, the poete asks us to find a resolution to the tension between the triviality of this 'silly' life and the deeply profound seriousness of death - after all, to be 'very very' dead is serious indeed. This is followed by a passage of majestic ambiguity; the poete's 'grip on the .36 is slipping due to my tears' - is the .36 meant in a literal context, implying that he is safe, or is .36 the weighted score which his life is rated at? If it is the latter, then he truly is near the end - whenever any of a character's stats reaches zero, they are dead dead dead. In the second half of this epic poeme, we are immediately presented with 'hampering', which, by virtue of its seasonal connotations, invokes images of gifts and food in ribbons - are these delights hidden within his cranium, waiting to spill out as the leaden Muse enters? But again, there is an unresolvable conflict with his inability to shoot himself. This is, perhaps, the poete at his introspective best, exploring the reasons behind his flashes of poetic inspiration while railing at the mystic nature which keeps the words so tantalisingly out of reach. Instead, he tells us, he will wait until the blood - his heartfelt feelings - come out 'y'ears' - a subtle hint at the wisdom he will achieve through an age arrived at by not killing himself. What is more, this wisdom has a perfect 'form' - such allusions to ancient philosophy are so rare in poetry these days! - which, being timeless, results in a potential temporal complexity hinted at in the possibility of 'read (present)/read (past)'. In his "Notes on an Ode to a Pimple-Lyric Spawned by Phalkon's Greasy Face", the poete asks us to consider the possible postmodernity of his poeme; the 'neo-limerick' movement being the driving force behind his structure. But, he asks, could such an opinion be seen as 'improper'? After all, as the postmodern pimpliterature canon tells us, aren't all opinions correct?!? -10-
Re: Captured by Dovina	10-Feb-07/3:14 AM
Ace. I think you might have 'a' appearing once too many in line 2 (if not, I don't get it).
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Feb-07/11:45 AM
Why the flaming devil has no-one commented on this yet? You need to insult more people, it seems. This is a work of true vision and beauty, such devotion has rarely been seen on these light blue pages. Actually I'd quite like the metre to be played around with - the first line is oh so catchy, follow it up with a couple of short blasts and then return to a lengthier beat. You're getting a ten though and I will not give less -10-
Re: Celui by half.italian	12-Feb-07/11:46 AM
I don't think you need anything beyond the third line.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Feb-07/11:51 AM
The rhythm needs fixing in a few places on my reading, that and a bit of punctuation tweaking. Bracket the fourth line and make it "(such a fool)".
Re: The Ballad of Andy Thomas (A True Story) by Rakesh Rajani	12-Feb-07/11:54 AM
"He proved as popular at school as a quick glass of AIDS" is the greatest -=Dark_Angel=- tribute line I think I've ever seen. -10-! And for the Warhammer reference you get double AIDS. -10- -20-
Re: self-suffocation by Phalkon	12-Feb-07/3:06 PM
And you never actually answered SupremeDreamer's (valid) question: what are you talking about when you say 'i tendons tear apart'?
Re: The Ballad of Rakesh Rajani, Court Reporter by Rakesh Rajani	13-Feb-07/5:44 AM
THE SAGA CONTINUES...
Re: The Ballad of Andy Thomas (A True Story) by Rakesh Rajani	16-Feb-07/3:09 PM
Possibly the best part of this poeme is the rhyming of 'anus' with 'gayness', although it seems to be more suited to a limerick: I've heard of a brown homo anus That travels the land spreading gayness O'er mountains and glades It runs, spreading AIDS Look out! It's come to bestain us!