regarding some deleted poem...	29-Oct-02/9:32 PM
I like this. I think it needs work, though. When I find the time, and when I see you, I will tell you where the weaknesses are. In the meantime, I'm sure our friends here can help.
Re: ... by logun2002ya	29-Oct-02/9:37 PM
u suck but not cuz u spelt i wrong. u suck cuz this poem is s-h-i-t-e.
Re: ... by logun2002ya	29-Oct-02/9:40 PM
There is a word for people like you and currently it escapes me. If only I could think of it... Imbecile will have to do for now. Using a homonymn of one word does not make you unique, it just makes you silly.
Re: ... by logun2002ya	29-Oct-02/9:45 PM
cummings you ain't.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Nov-02/12:01 AM
I never realised the word "masochistic" had such rhythm. I think you should adjust your sentence structure a little; some of it sounds as though you are trying to sound old fashioned. It is very contrived. The poem is rather cliche; I think it could be written better. I like the idea behind the line, "When razor's edge did charm me like the moon." though. The bad sentences kill the whole thing though.
Re: Something Must Be by Birdman42s	3-Nov-02/12:05 AM
Add an inspiring ending and submit this to the next "Chicken Soup for the Soul".
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Nov-02/12:14 AM
Run a spell check on this, and have someone check the grammar. The rhyme scheme is off and so is the rhythm. Who is Heaven? Wouldn't God's Heaven, or Heaven in the Sky or something like that make more sense?
Re: A Cold Day in March by PunchMeInTheFace	3-Nov-02/12:28 AM
I think this would be more intense if written in the first person. The metaphor is weak. I like the weight of her hopes and fears... that's good. But do her hopes really weigh, or are they just tied down by her fears? I see a competition between them.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Nov-02/12:30 AM
O Brother Where Art Thou was a cool movie with a good soundtrack. I really do enjoy the Coen brothers' sense of humour.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Nov-02/12:31 AM
4 because I sympathise.
Re: Down Again by Birdman42s	3-Nov-02/12:35 AM
You are good with rhythm. If you work on finding a way to make your reader feel what you are feeling, rather than just telling them, your work will be greatly improved. Imagine your feelings as something, even something as simple as a monster under the bed, and describe your feelings in metaphor.
Re: Ionic Winter by david	3-Nov-02/12:41 AM
I like this, but there are some rough edges that need to be smoothed out. I don't quite understand how you are MacBeth. What is the game that she is playing, if you are MacBeth, and she isn't really interested anyway? It doesn't sound like she's exactly being seductive. The first four lines are beautiful, the first 6 are good. Then, I get confused. I like the coldness of the poem. In the middle, the dialogue gives life and the potential for warmth, but it slips back into that dreary winter in the end, which makes me shiver. So much potential here; smooth out those images and I'll raise my vote. 7.
Re: Beauty vs the beast by UAFANTHORPEY	5-Nov-02/9:12 PM
This image is cliche and you bring nothing new to it. You sound outraged and hurt rather than empowered.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Nov-02/7:50 PM
"putting my soul on layaway" is fantastic. I like this piece a lot. There is something not quite right about diagonal cheek, I think. I think there might be a word missing in the last sentence. I'm going to look for more of your stuff.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Nov-02/7:52 PM
You knit images well.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Nov-02/7:58 PM
I think it's much better now. I still don't like the conceit you use in xi. It seems so out of place with you and the body of your work because there is nothing humble about you. It also stands out uncomfortably from the rest where you *do* describe that night. In xii. fingers failing doesn't work. You don't hum with your fingers. Otherwise, this is as near perfection as it can get.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Nov-02/8:15 PM
10 for the web of dreams. The rest is good too.
Re: Prose poem written in 1 minute and 27 seconds while listening to Slim Cessna croon by poetandknowit	13-Nov-02/8:08 PM
You are a genius! How did you ever write this delicious piece of literature so quickly. At least you've still got your toilet, even if it won't flush.
Re: me, Deep-as-a-puddle and the elusive connection by lunar	29-Dec-02/12:35 AM
Do you have a crouching tiger in your living room? The nature of "the connection" is that you find it with the right person, right? Otherwise it wouldn't be there? Does *who* you find it with matter if it can only be found with the right person? Where the sun does not shine implies that you find it in his crotch. This isn't really a poem so much as a list of personal proverbs.
Re: Until by lunar	29-Dec-02/12:38 AM
Maybe you were obscuring what he had, before you left?