on Sonnet For a Porn Star by mikejedw
19 May 2002, 3:19 AM
******* fantastic; you understand the forms you use, where's yer book Mike??
on Impatience always backfires 913 by notule
19 May 2002, 3:14 AM
bunch of empty phrases sounding like wisdom; except of course
Like Spirograph tattoos
and the hem of his garment,
like Cake and Tool
that is COOL! what window is it?? where were you all the time?
Like Spirograph tattoos
and the hem of his garment,
like Cake and Tool
that is COOL! what window is it?? where were you all the time?
on Have you ever heard of William Carlost Williams 24 by notule
19 May 2002, 3:09 AM
no.
like the last line but...
like the last line but...
on Sweetness by swift_enterprises
19 May 2002, 3:08 AM
yer what???
on Fun by paracetamol
19 May 2002, 3:07 AM
total rubbish
blue deliberately spelt that way not blow???
wonder where high mifght be for you.. maybe up to nearly level flat.... this is from a rut.
blue deliberately spelt that way not blow???
wonder where high mifght be for you.. maybe up to nearly level flat.... this is from a rut.
I love this
and you are USING the cliche "time immemorial" to signify itself, adn you evoke (intentionally?" soem Tennyson thing about bees - wotsit?? the murmur of innumerable bees"?? and there's "immemorial elms" somewhere too.
GREAT juxtapositon; get the joy of it, and the love of them
and you are USING the cliche "time immemorial" to signify itself, adn you evoke (intentionally?" soem Tennyson thing about bees - wotsit?? the murmur of innumerable bees"?? and there's "immemorial elms" somewhere too.
GREAT juxtapositon; get the joy of it, and the love of them
on Smiling by Jill Stockinger
19 May 2002, 3:02 AM
like "my love is like an Aztec priest" but it falls after that into banality; and you haven't made an effort with the form. if you are going to use a form, take possession of it. Rhymes??? and what's with this fluffy cliche: And behold your visage from afar - why the hell not "and see your distant face" or faroff face... I don't buy that the language is pastiche of some imagined courtly period. That's just lazy.
quite like the sudden Addams Family turn at the end. But it's disjointed.
and this.... Maidens fair will always view tormentors so,
And lust for what's forbidden.
loadarubbish. If that's what YOU will always feel, say so; but don't speak for this fair maiden!!! meaning is distinction.
quite like the sudden Addams Family turn at the end. But it's disjointed.
and this.... Maidens fair will always view tormentors so,
And lust for what's forbidden.
loadarubbish. If that's what YOU will always feel, say so; but don't speak for this fair maiden!!! meaning is distinction.
on South Brooklyn Avenue by entonces
19 May 2002, 2:54 AM
yes
but this isn't up to your best .. the last two lines don't reach anywhere for me.. I love the first three!!! well, not quite .. I think it's the last line, it doesn't really resolve or say anything new. what a wonderful opening line especially though...
a pleasure to read you ..