| Re: Pigeons at the end of winter by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:29 AM |
I agree with Aduren... you are a poet Mike no doubt for a second.
but this isn't up to your best .. the last two lines don't reach anywhere for me.. I love the first three!!! well, not quite .. I think it's the last line, it doesn't really resolve or say anything new. what a wonderful opening line especially though...
a pleasure to read you ..
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| Re: Fly by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:26 AM |
got it! great! a jewel, what a model, in 17 syllables you capture the whole of the being of this fly
and the difference from you - and there's a smile in it!!
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| Re: #12 by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:22 AM |
nice combination of the disparate elements, and what they both are.. but not very very..... but i love
elm, undulating ...
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| Re: Sonnet For a Porn Star by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:19 AM |
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******* fantastic; you understand the forms you use, where's yer book Mike??
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| Re: Impatience always backfires 913 by notule |
19-May-02/3:14 AM |
bunch of empty phrases sounding like wisdom; except of course
Like Spirograph tattoos
and the hem of his garment,
like Cake and Tool
that is COOL! what window is it?? where were you all the time?
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| Re: Have you ever heard of William Carlost Williams 24 by notule |
19-May-02/3:09 AM |
no.
like the last line but...
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| Re: Sweetness by swift_enterprises |
19-May-02/3:08 AM |
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| Re: Fun by paracetamol |
19-May-02/3:07 AM |
total rubbish
blue deliberately spelt that way not blow???
wonder where high mifght be for you.. maybe up to nearly level flat.... this is from a rut.
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| Re: Fireflies by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:06 AM |
I love this
and you are USING the cliche "time immemorial" to signify itself, adn you evoke (intentionally?" soem Tennyson thing about bees - wotsit?? the murmur of innumerable bees"?? and there's "immemorial elms" somewhere too.
GREAT juxtapositon; get the joy of it, and the love of them
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| Re: Smiling by Jill Stockinger |
19-May-02/3:02 AM |
like "my love is like an Aztec priest" but it falls after that into banality; and you haven't made an effort with the form. if you are going to use a form, take possession of it. Rhymes??? and what's with this fluffy cliche: And behold your visage from afar - why the hell not "and see your distant face" or faroff face... I don't buy that the language is pastiche of some imagined courtly period. That's just lazy.
quite like the sudden Addams Family turn at the end. But it's disjointed.
and this.... Maidens fair will always view tormentors so,
And lust for what's forbidden.
loadarubbish. If that's what YOU will always feel, say so; but don't speak for this fair maiden!!! meaning is distinction.
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| Re: South Brooklyn Avenue by entonces |
19-May-02/2:54 AM |
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