replying on The Rocketsâ Song by Dovina
7 Dec 2004, 9:03 AM
THANK YOU!!! Though the debate over such thoughts can inspire interesting poetry. If nothing else.
on Work Excuse by jroday
1 Nov 2004, 6:48 AM
Quite funny!!! I was pondering the implications of a
crossmember being an angry penis the other day when I was distracted by the sudden and inexplicable explosion of the bottle of penafiel I was balancing on my head. Needless to say, I never got around to listing the implications. I will return to this duty when I dot it into my pdr.
crossmember being an angry penis the other day when I was distracted by the sudden and inexplicable explosion of the bottle of penafiel I was balancing on my head. Needless to say, I never got around to listing the implications. I will return to this duty when I dot it into my pdr.
replying on Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT
1 Nov 2004, 6:13 AM
Yes. I was worried about that. This thing is kickin' my ass.
Thanks for your time. 'preciate ya, driver.
Thanks for your time. 'preciate ya, driver.
The dimmest part of my dimness is that I chose to go spelunking without so much as a pen-light. The pen-light of course represents my inability to build a proof of any kind. And I thank you for keeping an eye on me that I may not harm myself further.
It is not moonshine, however. It is the fluid of Susan Vega.
It is not moonshine, however. It is the fluid of Susan Vega.
Understood, and I agree. Interesting how right and wrong can be muddled together sometimes. Am I right for helping an industry that keeps us attached to foreign oil, pollutes the environment and perpetuates a belief that the automobile is a need? Am i wrong for leaving this industry that also employs a great many and enables me to provide for my family?
Deeper and deeper we go.
9. i like the subtle beat this has.
Deeper and deeper we go.
9. i like the subtle beat this has.
replying on Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT
31 Oct 2004, 10:23 AM
Yup. Slow it down a bit, too. Thanky.
replying on Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT
31 Oct 2004, 9:54 AM
Same family at any rate. I looked it up in the dictionary, too bad I didn't have a bird book when it happened, I could be more accurate. I had probs with the comma too. Which is the more rogue? Could I do way with both on the basis of line breaks?
on Into My World by sliver
31 Oct 2004, 8:49 AM
Pale is used twice in the 1st stanza. Keep the rose buds. Snow white /pale washes itself out.
The second stanza is just too generic. too many b,l,u,e
words ant too many possible end rhymes to take easy street. Do it again.
S-3 How to emotions swell? You used -unfurled- in the second line. swell or unfurl. pick one.
and your closers are too generic. Find an image that equates this. A horse with blinders on perhaps? A tunnel vision driver? Plenty to choose from.
The poem is not bad, just too much telling. The Blue eyes is particularly good.
If you like this poem, take it apart and rebuild it.
Still you're improving. An unlisted 7.
The second stanza is just too generic. too many b,l,u,e
words ant too many possible end rhymes to take easy street. Do it again.
S-3 How to emotions swell? You used -unfurled- in the second line. swell or unfurl. pick one.
and your closers are too generic. Find an image that equates this. A horse with blinders on perhaps? A tunnel vision driver? Plenty to choose from.
The poem is not bad, just too much telling. The Blue eyes is particularly good.
If you like this poem, take it apart and rebuild it.
Still you're improving. An unlisted 7.
Simple Irony or not, it is an excellent comparison of two views of the same scenario. I like Horus's better not because of the rhyme but because it is not necessarily simple but, uncluttered.
My choice may also merely be a masculine viewpoint.
Both pleased my palate, "errors" aside.
My choice may also merely be a masculine viewpoint.
Both pleased my palate, "errors" aside.
on Beachy head by Mr Pig
29 Oct 2004, 2:38 PM
This defies standard suicidal parameters. Particularly the -many footpritnts. I think I've heard skin of water somewhere. Um, Blend the first stanza, 'liminate
the -but-. I honestly don't know the first thing about using line breaks, but for some reason I don't like the way this is laid out.
Glad to see you stopped by.
the -but-. I honestly don't know the first thing about using line breaks, but for some reason I don't like the way this is laid out.
Glad to see you stopped by.
on A Runner's Fistful of Haiku by HaikuMofo
26 Oct 2004, 10:30 AM
a mugged runner?
on Harvey the Dolphin Sucker by T. Jonathron Remp
26 Oct 2004, 10:13 AM
Comment: By Frederick Rigglesmeyer Friffelschmidt.
Yes, a womans bulging triceps are not something one should leave behind.
Yes, a womans bulging triceps are not something one should leave behind.