| Re: a comment on The Rocketsâ Song by Dovina |
7-Dec-04/9:03 AM |
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THANK YOU!!! Though the debate over such thoughts can inspire interesting poetry. If nothing else.
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| Re: a comment on Ash by horus8 |
2-Nov-04/5:49 AM |
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shit. can't believe I missed that earned/gained prob. I would disagree about the initials though. It's about the blackened branding not necessarily the inits.
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| Re: a comment on Ash by horus8 |
2-Nov-04/5:43 AM |
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I have the same problem with 2 words in the first stanza of my poem " Dear Lord". It may come to rebuilding the damn thing from the ground up. at least the first stanza.
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| Re: Ash by horus8 |
2-Nov-04/5:40 AM |
Ok bro. You're so fucking close!!!!!!!!
Line 4 (absent) is too fast a word
Line 8 is one beat off.
There are no other problems that I can hear.
I'm gonna slap you with a ten 'cos I know how hard it is to fix details like these.
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| Re: Work Excuse by jroday |
1-Nov-04/6:48 AM |
Quite funny!!! I was pondering the implications of a
crossmember being an angry penis the other day when I was distracted by the sudden and inexplicable explosion of the bottle of penafiel I was balancing on my head. Needless to say, I never got around to listing the implications. I will return to this duty when I dot it into my pdr.
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| Re: a comment on Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT |
1-Nov-04/6:13 AM |
Yes. I was worried about that. This thing is kickin' my ass.
Thanks for your time. 'preciate ya, driver.
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| Re: a comment on Trust by Dovina |
1-Nov-04/5:57 AM |
The dimmest part of my dimness is that I chose to go spelunking without so much as a pen-light. The pen-light of course represents my inability to build a proof of any kind. And I thank you for keeping an eye on me that I may not harm myself further.
It is not moonshine, however. It is the fluid of Susan Vega.
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| Re: a comment on Trust by Dovina |
1-Nov-04/5:52 AM |
Understood, and I agree. Interesting how right and wrong can be muddled together sometimes. Am I right for helping an industry that keeps us attached to foreign oil, pollutes the environment and perpetuates a belief that the automobile is a need? Am i wrong for leaving this industry that also employs a great many and enables me to provide for my family?
Deeper and deeper we go.
9. i like the subtle beat this has.
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| Re: a comment on Trust by Dovina |
31-Oct-04/2:30 PM |
If: A is A and B is B, then A cannot be B. Therefore you cannot "believe hopefully".
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| Re: Trust by Dovina |
31-Oct-04/10:26 AM |
I'm in the middle of "Philosophy for dummies." I'm not sure i understand trust enough to comment accurately.
Can you say "Cop out"? lol
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| Re: a comment on Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT |
31-Oct-04/10:23 AM |
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Yup. Slow it down a bit, too. Thanky.
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| Re: Fascists by Imago |
31-Oct-04/10:15 AM |
I would suggest you read; Baudelaires'- To the reader.
And: Ezra pounds'- Comission. Then try to find the middle ground.
...And Hyde recedes back to Dr. Jekyll
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| Re: a comment on Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT |
31-Oct-04/9:54 AM |
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Same family at any rate. I looked it up in the dictionary, too bad I didn't have a bird book when it happened, I could be more accurate. I had probs with the comma too. Which is the more rogue? Could I do way with both on the basis of line breaks?
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| Re: Into My World by sliver |
31-Oct-04/8:49 AM |
Pale is used twice in the 1st stanza. Keep the rose buds. Snow white /pale washes itself out.
The second stanza is just too generic. too many b,l,u,e
words ant too many possible end rhymes to take easy street. Do it again.
S-3 How to emotions swell? You used -unfurled- in the second line. swell or unfurl. pick one.
and your closers are too generic. Find an image that equates this. A horse with blinders on perhaps? A tunnel vision driver? Plenty to choose from.
The poem is not bad, just too much telling. The Blue eyes is particularly good.
If you like this poem, take it apart and rebuild it.
Still you're improving. An unlisted 7.
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| Re: a comment on Ending by Dovina |
30-Oct-04/12:01 PM |
Simple Irony or not, it is an excellent comparison of two views of the same scenario. I like Horus's better not because of the rhyme but because it is not necessarily simple but, uncluttered.
My choice may also merely be a masculine viewpoint.
Both pleased my palate, "errors" aside.
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| Re: Ash by horus8 |
30-Oct-04/11:54 AM |
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I have to weigh in on this because I think it is damn near perfect. I think it would be perfect if you Ironed out the beat. I know you can. Why you did not, is what I don't understand. 9
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| Re: a comment on Ash by horus8 |
30-Oct-04/11:52 AM |
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Think about it, Imago. I believe you are capable of understanding it if you put forth a little effort.
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| Re: Beachy head by Mr Pig |
29-Oct-04/2:38 PM |
This defies standard suicidal parameters. Particularly the -many footpritnts. I think I've heard skin of water somewhere. Um, Blend the first stanza, 'liminate
the -but-. I honestly don't know the first thing about using line breaks, but for some reason I don't like the way this is laid out.
Glad to see you stopped by.
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| Re: A Runner's Fistful of Haiku by HaikuMofo |
26-Oct-04/10:30 AM |
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| Re: Harvey the Dolphin Sucker by T. Jonathron Remp |
26-Oct-04/10:13 AM |
Comment: By Frederick Rigglesmeyer Friffelschmidt.
Yes, a womans bulging triceps are not something one should leave behind.
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