Re: Dark Matter by Musicman	4-Nov-07/1:59 AM
OK, so let's try something a little different.
Re: a comment on Table for Two Please by Musicman	4-Nov-07/1:56 AM
Yep, I can see it. But this was one of those exercies in a stream of consciousness that took me just a minute to write. Unlike most, I will lt this one stand on its own merits but I do see your point. Thank you again for your gift!
Re: Winter Moon by Musicman	4-Nov-07/1:53 AM
I took the advice of my fellow poets and rewrote and submit for your comments. Thank you all.
Re: a comment on Winter Moon by Musicman	4-Nov-07/1:38 AM
Hmm, that is an interesting look at this. I did not see starlit night as necessarily cliche, but is overused in other forms of writing (short stories and novels. I will work on this and see what comes up. Thank you for your time and the gift of feedback Sasha!
Re: a comment on Winter Moon by Musicman	24-Oct-07/12:42 PM
I just started to peruse this site yesterday. It is becoming obvious to me that we have a lot of poets on a steep learning curve. One of my favorite sites is pathetic.org. A lot of wonderful poetry and recognized poets. Try it sometime, if for nothing else the site is beautifully done (I hate adverbs in my poetry, so pardon mine).
Re: a comment on Winter Moon by Musicman	24-Oct-07/12:37 PM
Interesting view and thank you for your gift! I am most cognizant of the articles in S2. More "A's" rather than so many "the's". I am impressed! This was a very early poem for me and it still brings back a great memory of my childhood.
Re: a comment on Bullfrog Night by Musicman	24-Oct-07/12:31 PM
I agree.
Re: Her name was Marjorie Harper by Caducus	24-Oct-07/10:27 AM
As a new member to this site this is the best I have read so far. It appears you have a creative flair but please spell check your "aplologies". Also, if this rockmage person gave it a 10 does he not see a couple of technical issues with this poem, since he sets himself up as a critic of some knowledge on poesie? That is if he has REAL knowledge. But I have read a few of his Senryus. Although a few are interesting, I do not see any prodigious SKILL.
Re: I Think Of by forsaken	24-Oct-07/7:15 AM
Hi forsaken. I would love to see this potentially wonderful piece trimmed to bare bones. There are so many unnecessary words and the meter is not fluid. You are also mixing active and passive voice, "I think of the day you'll be back in my arms Keeping you safe from the world's harm" Just a suggestion here: Awaiting the day back in my arms keeping safe my love from world's harm" although I think that needs some work in itself :). Anyway, use that pain you are obviously feeling, but try to write this again with half as many words and you may be surprised what you find!
Re: On Any Given Day... by Skamper	24-Oct-07/6:31 AM
And, oh yes. The last two lines are pure Bukowski, so I would not be concerned with whoever this "rockmage" guy is. SOunds like he needs to read more and write less.
Re: On Any Given Day... by Skamper	24-Oct-07/6:30 AM
Ah! Shades of Bukowski. What a wonderful read. This would go well in a darkened room among friends. Snug in the wooly cotton arms of infamy!
Re: The Friendship Storm by x0lovelylarnx0	24-Oct-07/4:32 AM
This one has potential. I do not understand the caps on "White Storm", "Lovers", "Shatters and "Victim's". I also feel that the this would read better with shorter sentence structure, i.e. "The lover's remain separate as the storm reignsd. This poem does not need to rhyme and word choice, especially in the last two lines would make this an excellent read. Also, don;t worry about rockmage and his incessant need to be noticed by giving Zeros. No poem deserves a Zero unless it is so esoteric no one can decipher it or the form and structure is so bad that the writer needs serious help.
Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT	24-Oct-07/2:03 AM
Strong imagery and intensity. I would ditch the punctuation allowing the natural flow to place the periods and commas. It is a distractor to me. Enjoyable read.
Re: part of autumn by winniss	24-Oct-07/1:39 AM
Nice imagery and flow.