Re: Dust by Caducus	27-Mar-06/11:42 AM
This self ode for when death comes knocking at YOUR door, by my interpretation anyway. S1, L2-I don't believe to be necessary to your theme; if love is one of your main themes in this poem, it is not brought out strong enough to be noticed, so this line seems to come from nowhere. The rest of this stanza however, introduces your theme quite accurately. S2 is brilliant in meaning & very touching. In S3, you bring out many good lines & keep steady with the theme, which is pertinent for your reader...for instance I thought L1 & L2 in S3 have powerful clarity for your final "wishes", which will overall deeply touch the reader. I liked your theme but might recommend using more poetical elements, such as imagery, metaphor, detail & not so much generalization. Crystal clear theme though.
Re: Christ At The Oscars by Caducus	27-Mar-06/11:48 AM
Great poem!! Powerful theme that will smack any unassuming reader across the face. Tactful wording. Well thought-out. On a personal note: I am a guiltly audience member, glorifying the mere middle-man & not the prince. How ignorant mankind can be. Thank you personally for the slap.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Mar-06/10:10 PM
This made me laugh; it was funny, I'll give you that. I don't think this should be a rhyming sort of poem though, free verse would be more fitting for it's genre in my opinion. I read this merely as a comical scene with the only real poetical sense that you made it obvious by description how crude this "guest" was being. A light-hearted poem, which I am sure was your intention.
Re: Darker Days by oneglove	27-Mar-06/10:43 PM
Once I read this poem a couple of times & also read the other comments on it, I see, I see. Very metaphorical, very well thought-out...like a heist or "murder scene" even. A great read none-the-less with deep metaphor, dramatic theme, words that grab, short but punctual. Emily Dickinson style. Great read!
Re: Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina	30-Mar-06/7:16 PM
I had to see what all the hype was about, jk! No, I actually wanted to read some of your writings since you have been so observant & helpful to me in my own. You were tight in a lot of lines, but I couldn't help but have a problem with all the "you's". Yes, I will through in one once in a while for effect, but they run rampant over this piece. I am not the one missing Tennessee, & I am not the one wanting to smell wood smoke afterall...you are. What made me vote the way I did, your clarity in theme, staying tightly to your theme & I did like the examples of what you missed about your home; you were able to "show the reader, not tell". You know that no-no in poetry. Interesting read overall Dovina. ~Sunny
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	30-Mar-06/7:32 PM
I know you are full of commentary on this one, but I think I'll take a stabb at one, after reading your poem & other's comments...Their were quite a bit of references that I didn't "get," like when the dog turned blue...I have to say that is pretty hard translate that into a siren's lights-too random & out of the blue for me at least. I must admit I had my difficulties with "neon reapers" as well :( I did however, think this poem was well thought out & surfaces a man's best friend/ love emotion, that brilliantly contrasted with human greed-inevitable human greed. It touched me, not going to lie. I might be a sap for that, but because it was able to surface a little emotion after I read it, I give you two thumbs up on this one :) ~Sunny
Re: Piccadilly to Baker Street by Caducus	1-Apr-06/2:28 PM
I liked this one a lot. Intellectual wording with vivid description of assorted personalities and a clever ending. I felt a couple of lines in S1 were a bit forced...just too much if you know what I mean. I liked this read overall though. ~Sunny
Re: Monsters by raven_the_poet	1-Apr-06/2:36 PM
For the most part, & I am not out to hurt feelings, but in order to improve, we must take the blatent truth sometimes, adults don't want to read a novel-lenght poem about monsters. Some of your comparisons were almost funny, they had such an elementary element to them...I could go on but overall, I didn't finish your poem because I became pretty bored. Try studying some talented free verse poetry, maybe changing your style might work. You have the narrative imagination but it needs to be pulled up quite a few notches to be a "good read." ~Sunny
Re: Even the elephants by ecargo	6-Apr-06/11:08 AM
Your imagery is nice, very thoughtful, but you hardly out-Plathed Plath, coming from a Plath researcher & fan (this is not an insult by any means, & I hope you don't interpret it as one). I understand perfectly the concept of a hidden sky-don't see what all the uproar is on that part?? Our styles are a bit similar, so maybe I can just picture the scene clearly with your choice of imagery. The only part I didn't care for was, "For thick on thick air"-I just don't think it adds any elements poetically of thematically. Great theme by the way. ~Sunny
Re: Simon's Legacy (draft) by Caducus	6-Apr-06/11:17 AM
I don't rate like that, well, ever since I became a member of this site. Penetrable (I can relate to family suicide as well). Your poem as a whole was brilliantly thought up & scorched onto paper (or post). No more I can say about this except it deserves much better ratings than it has recieved...I can see the incredible talent in this peice. ~Sunny
Re: Nonchalantly by Plaidypus	19-Apr-06/9:41 AM
I liked the way you went "nonchalantly" around your conclusion of becoming anorexic. You told the story, in a way, of the origin of this crippling disease, which I also find quite interesting. Good, clean line breaks. I liked the overall feel of it. You got your point across very clearly & had no problems whatsoever with you clarity. Your poem survived by the way you went around explaining so "nonchalantly" something that has the potential to be deadly, ironically enough. Thanks, Sunny