Re: a comment on 1a. Awaken by A db C	11-Aug-06/2:09 AM
Yes, I'd like to suggest you split it further. This reads more like prose. Perhaps shorten your sentences/lines for stress or emphasis. And you don't have to be too detailed. You could give the same idea with just the imagery excluding the explanations. That would be more effective and will read poetically. Hope this is of help to you.
Re: 1a. Awaken by A db C	10-Aug-06/6:09 AM
I've read this a couple of times... but I feel this has to be presented better. You have good material, but somehow I don't find it very appealing. And P.S. welcome to Poemranker. Enjoy.
Re: Gracy (An ode to my greyhound) by mindsigns	10-Aug-06/4:19 AM
Could have been better.
Re: Chickens by rnuk	9-Aug-06/9:00 AM
Cool poem and idea. Looking out for more.
Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	7-Aug-06/8:58 AM
D. I find this cool and amusing, esp.the last four lines. It amazes me of how you think of simple things and express them in poetry.
Re: Forest by the Sea by Dovina	6-Aug-06/9:40 AM
I like the accidental rhymes. It keeps the tempo going. and the idea of the poem is good too.
Re: Hot by Dovina	1-Aug-06/9:17 AM
A cool poem for a 'Hot' theme.
Re: a comment on To Talitha by amanda_dcosta	28-Jul-06/7:51 AM
Thank you.
Re: A Time to Dance by Dovina	25-Jul-06/7:14 AM
Your preaentation of the poem is cool. I like the comparisons and the theme, and also the third verse.
Re: a comment on To Talitha by amanda_dcosta	25-Jul-06/7:02 AM
Ranger, it's not your fault. I got disconnected too and could not log back in. I know that you are a happy-go-lucky person, but couldn't resist asking you that. :-)
Re: Suicide Dream by Ranger	24-Jul-06/11:16 PM
Nice... very nice. And great imagery. How do you do it? A very subtle .. softspoken tone..... it's too good.
Re: a comment on To Talitha by amanda_dcosta	21-Jul-06/4:22 AM
maybe my second last line should read 'of the one who holds my life in His hands.'
Re: a comment on To Talitha by amanda_dcosta	21-Jul-06/4:20 AM
Actually, I wrote the 'healthy, wealthy and wise' bit on purpose. This is to stress that this little girl could never be as healthy as we think we are, or be wealthy in way of worldly terms, and also 'wise' for what she's labled, and despite us having this to our advantage, how much do we value this pricless gift of 'normal life'.
Re: a comment on I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta	21-Jul-06/4:14 AM
lol... but I'm glad that you didn't say that I wrote it that way.
Re: a comment on I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta	21-Jul-06/4:09 AM
Cadacus... Geeeee thanks. I know that my poem could do with a bit of editing. It's great to get some constructive critisism. Let me see what I can do to modify it accordingly. Anyhow, Dovina and you have given me pretty good views, which I appreciate. Thanks.
Re: a comment on To Talitha by amanda_dcosta	20-Jul-06/10:08 AM
It is when we think we are healthy , wealthy and so called 'wise' that we fail to realize the value of life... every second... that we take life for granted. This little struggles... not knowing what a normal life is like, and yet how often do we thank our creator for his mercy and love in our lives.
Re: Contractual Paradox of the Old by Dovina	20-Jul-06/8:17 AM
Beautiful... it's like you tell a story, oh well, what am I talking... you are telling a story ... of expectations and of hoping. Give it time... and the story will unfold further... though it's hard work.
Re: Mind Over Madness by drnick	20-Jul-06/8:02 AM
I see that you sum it up in your last lines. What I can't understand is why you guys take drugs. That aside,it gives me something new to think about.
Re: a comment on I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta	20-Jul-06/3:57 AM
And P.s. we didn't swap brains. I have mine and it's beautifully intact.
Re: a comment on I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta	20-Jul-06/3:46 AM
Cool. You're reply is as expected. But this ain't abouy your heart or lungs. It's about whether you have your brains and if so, where it is. ;-)