Re: a comment on Time Thief by Dovina	30-Mar-06/1:08 PM
You're not from Tennesee?
Re: a comment on Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	30-Mar-06/1:01 PM
When I started reading the first few lines with their long sentenced rhyme scheme it reminded me of Benny Hill. Maybe this will give you some ideas for lightening your poem up. http://www.lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/e/erniethefastestmilkmaninthewest.shtml You might have to copy and paste, it's a long url.
Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil	30-Mar-06/12:30 PM
This is nice but the use of "cat feet" constantly reminds me of the Carl Sandburg poem "Fog" Fog The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on.
Re: Time Thief by Dovina	30-Mar-06/12:24 PM
Your a southern girl so procrastination is in your blood. I have no excuse for why I procrastinate. If only I were a pothead.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	30-Mar-06/9:44 AM
You've been partying haven't you? I think England would be a great place to party. I hear those English girls like Kylie Minogue are extra, extra randy. http://www.actressass.com/pictures-1/kylie_minogue/kylie-minogue-16.jpg
Re: a comment on Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	30-Mar-06/9:29 AM
She wears the scratchy skirt she seldom wears-- the one for funerals and interviews and other stiff affairs, and even high-heeled shoes, the pinching kind that make her limp for days, and watches other ends unwind from spools of common thread, and tales unfold like maps laid flat, each well-marked route now stained and old, showing where these other sojourners had been, scored with fold-lines and faults of long use, worn and thin. And if she imagines that in resolution there’s some ragged judgment, well, who can blame her? She welcomes this end, needs the final hangnail tear of separation, thinly weeping but clean and clearly healing, frustration almost bloodless, already purged and shouted out, unlike these many others here, who spurt their hurt in gouts or drip steadily from injuries inflicted, partings like a briar tangle of lives entwined, where hope ends trapped and mangled. But not for her, not for them, whatever “them” remains, most of it long spent, no longer subject to the pain and strains of extrication, and even anger mostly gone or mostly going. They’ve both moved on, as much as one moves on, with, maybe, a small, dull throb still left to probe, some phantom limb all that's left between them, a specter hand of what once was and now is out of promise.
Re: Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	30-Mar-06/9:19 AM
I've got this idea, maybe if you hide the rhymes instead of putting them at the end it'll give you that ghostly lingering feel. Let's see:
Re: Sarah, Freefalling (twee for AlChemy) by ecargo	30-Mar-06/9:12 AM
You show the terror and delite you feel when watching over a child perfectly. Terror for their safety and delite for their glee. Then you take off into wonderment and end with a self discovery. Not bad at all for a twee. -10-
Re: SOMETIMES? by Garrett S Sexton	30-Mar-06/8:55 AM
I like this. Something very autistic savant about it.
Re: a comment on My Prayer by amanda_dcosta	30-Mar-06/8:51 AM
Excellent. There's no need to SHOUT though, we can hear you.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	30-Mar-06/8:47 AM
Maybe I need to attach it to the "Sunlighting" poem. Hmmmmm.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	30-Mar-06/8:44 AM
Wow! I'm flattered. First you put Lord Byron and me together in a sentence and then you dedicate an obtuse rant you ineptly disguise as a play about me. Many of your poems resemble this pretentious, pompous drivel that you've written here. Those are the ones that are hellacious dumps. As for me being a redneck? I've only lived in North Carolina for a year so I haven't deserved the honor of such a distinction yet. It's nice to see you were obsessed enough to check my user info though. Does it bother you that I criticize your poems without giving any specific and useful remarks? I guess you know how the people you've criticized feel now don't you?
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	30-Mar-06/8:17 AM
I had thought of using father wind. It was more of a visual thing, sky + light make the sun in visual composition. Plus father light is representing the lightning in the storm metaphor. You make a good point though and you did it without being insulting which puts you way above many others in my book. I'm definitely thinking about a rewrite.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	29-Mar-06/9:09 AM
I really want to write something for my nephew too but I haven't found the right metaphor yet. I think their will be one more for my niece to follow "Sunlighting" and this one. It'll be a tweelogy.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	29-Mar-06/7:59 AM
Well, she(my niece aka morning girl) is after all only six years old. I actually think the wine line is too adult. I'm thinking maybe "laughter's chimes" instead. It was written pretty much on the spot. "Twee"? Ranger's englishness must be rubbing off on you.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	29-Mar-06/6:35 AM
I'm thinking of changing the ending to "Let this child smile again." Do you think that might sound even better?
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	29-Mar-06/6:30 AM
Your point is narrow minded. It's like saying all new music that isn't in a new wave form or doesn't talk about cellphones and internet must suck.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	29-Mar-06/6:09 AM
Which of your poems are pretentious? Why the one's that resemble hellacious dumps of course. Lemme guess, you're a screen writer for John Hughes films.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	29-Mar-06/5:57 AM
I do.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	29-Mar-06/5:55 AM
The whole poem is about romanticizing things to be more than they really are. If you could see past your upturned nose you'd realize that the style echoes what the speaker is saying. By the way, what is the new poetry movement? Last time I checked there hasn't been anything revolutionary in poetry since the beat poets. Maybe we should all just follow your lead. Do you have any poems here that are innovative and unique?