| Re: Once Sought by necroscope7 |
14-Oct-04/7:38 PM |
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dont try so hard to make things rhyme but i like the set up
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Oct-04/11:17 PM |
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| Re: Who is deserving of all my love by zodiac |
27-Oct-04/5:32 PM |
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nice job. when God is speaking it reminds me of a band named mewithoutYou. i found this interesting since they are christian band. it evokes good emotions and pulls the reader in. very nice.
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| Re: My Last Thought by Fire_is_cool |
30-Oct-04/11:33 PM |
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the punctiation is kind of annoying and breaks the poem up in a weird way
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Nov-04/10:34 PM |
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i just wish there was more
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| Re: An Afternoon Walk by Dovina |
9-Nov-04/10:38 PM |
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this poem had really good flow, but bachus does have some good points. though maybe i'm just not a talented enough reader to fully understand your choice of words.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Dec-04/10:41 AM |
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for all the imagery in the poem the last line hit really flat, but very good overall
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| Re: a study in blossoms and beauty by oneglove |
14-Feb-05/6:07 PM |
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i know you all tire of reading overly mushy poems but its valentines day so i thought if there was any day for this poem it was today.
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| Re: a study in blossoms and beauty by oneglove |
17-Feb-05/6:58 AM |
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sorry zodiac i was clicking on the reply link and i accidently hit the "x", thanks for your correction of my word choice, i'm prone to small mistakes like that, i'd appreciate your full critique if you want to take the time.
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| Re: The Sidekick Retires From Fairview's Finest by luzrheroguy |
22-Mar-05/11:43 AM |
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at times very cliche but very smooth, i liked the line "And how hair could be the perfect accent to a face", the last two verses arent as strong as the rest of it. i think it would be even stronger if you just cut them out. overall good job *8*
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| Re: Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222 |
10-May-05/5:05 PM |
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this story really drew me in, though like youve said there are parts that could use revision. i understand though, sometimes its more important just to get it all down than to perfect each phrase.
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| Re: Small Furies by Enkidu |
5-Oct-05/1:02 AM |
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awesome flow there were just a couple lines that seemed forced to keep in rhyme, make her dead and destroyed no doubt are the 2 that really didnt work for me. other than that i'm really impressed, its just so smooth and complete.
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| Re: Was Everyone Put On This Earth For A Reason by cabot |
14-Oct-05/2:56 PM |
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yeah the spelling and grammer is a big problem, it's distracting from the rest of the poem, which is alright.
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| Re: Multiplicity the Hallucination by vulcan |
27-Oct-05/12:14 AM |
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| Re: Paradise by oneglove |
4-Aug-06/5:42 AM |
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i suppose i will explain this poem a bit, it was inspired by On the Road. As a nod to the book it was written stream of conscience and the last line and some of the imagery about the eyes are from the book (it is also named after the narrator). i liked that after 300 pages of traveling sal falls in love and settles down in a couple sentences. so this was an exploration of that moment, a revision would almost definitely help it because it was written so quickly, and sorry for misspelling manhattan.
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| Re: eat what you want. by burgerking33 |
4-Aug-06/6:44 AM |
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go on girl, i like reading this in a whispery voice like i'm in nkotb
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| Re: A New Deal by oneglove |
22-Feb-07/10:20 PM |
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based on the bonus march during the depression. i've been fighting with it but it's a work in progress, it just feels generally weak to me. so i guess i'm mainly looking for some help.
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| Re: Whore of Babylon by oneglove |
7-Dec-07/9:24 AM |
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work in progress, just felt like posting something since i havent in so long
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