Re: With Old Light by Ranger	27-Aug-06/12:23 PM
So many images and comparisons, it's mind-numbing. Some of them make sense to me, some are supurb, and some seem parenthetic or vague. I'd prefer more development before moving quickly to another metaphor. Perhaps just one main metaphor per verse, with variations on it.
Re: a comment on Ending Well by Dovina	27-Aug-06/12:10 PM
Happy to see you too have not bailed. Only a few lines rhyme, and it might be better to unrhyme all of them. Thanks for coming back.
Re: The Christian Soldier by Sing4Jesus!	23-Aug-06/3:18 PM
it sounds so cliche that I wonder if it's satire. Either way, there is too much redundancy. For example,"He jokes around with a delightful sense of humor" simply means "He jokes." Most of the lines are like this.
Re: Quatrain by ALChemy	23-Aug-06/3:15 PM
A novel way of putting forth an old truth. Thought provoking. Try a less bland title, like Beauty’s Kin, Son of Beauty, even the cliché - Beauty and the Beast.
Re: Jeeves Garcia by Crakyamuni	21-Aug-06/6:31 PM
Well, I think you could said it less than half as many words. And to be called a prose poem, it should contain some of the poetic elements, though nobody seems clear on how far this should go. Try rewriting it without the repetition, for starters. Then look for stuff that doesn't really pertain to the story. I think it could become quite good.
Re: Advice by Enkidu	16-Aug-06/3:30 PM
funny
Re: the day the poet is the reason for the poem I by daggatolar	16-Aug-06/3:22 PM
The thesis stated in the first two lines is unsupported by the body of the poem. I suggest you drop the title and the thesis and deal with the history as it stands.
Re: To Whemy by dougsoderstrom	16-Aug-06/3:16 PM
Welcome back. I remember the term, whemy. Are you back now to open a discussion about it?
Re: We shall sleep by Caducus	16-Aug-06/3:15 PM
This is fuzzy, but I fail to see, in a real world, how a person can look for and find a dream. Dreams just happen without effort. Okay, you maen it some other way.
Re: a comment on A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove	14-Aug-06/5:45 PM
Yes, and we realize that sufficient time has not elapsed for a proper retraction to be composed for the following: “For hundreds of years Man has tried to tame the Negro, but in all that time only one Negro can be said to have been fully domesticated, and that was Bill Cosby. Since then, Negroes have laid their eggs all over America, and where once a single Man, whipping for 24 hours a day, was enough to curb their beastly urges, Townsfolk now need to employ fifty such Men, each of them whipping furiously, drenched in sweat, and unable to adjust their Wellingtons. Eventually, they die of exposure. It is true, a Man may befriend a Negro, but that is simpy because the Negro is trying to lure the Man back to its burrow so it can make him watch Sidney Poitier films. Quite frankly, the 'doubt and reluctance' we all feel when approaching Negroes is the only thing stopping us from spouting afros and covering ourselves in ridiculous gold trinklets.” http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=124271
Re: 1a. Awaken by A db C	13-Aug-06/6:41 AM
I think the material in the paragraphs that follow the poem are more like pooetry. The poem simply tells us what the narrator thinks or feels. The other shows us in images and thereby engenders us to think about our own feelings. Here are some examples, pulled from above: barely visible black dots became patches shots of memory impose melting down like old projector film Pulling out the negatives stained dusty brickwork barbed bead of frost clutching my ticking head
Re: a comment on How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	12-Aug-06/7:43 PM
Thanks for the suggestion. I am confident that having both removed adds even more comfort to the ride.
Re: a comment on How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	12-Aug-06/7:43 PM
Perhaps I should add, “Avoid branches / they can grin you ear to ear.” Happy cycling.
Re: a comment on How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	7-Aug-06/8:32 PM
Spoken like an iron-donkey cowboy.
Re: a comment on How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	7-Aug-06/5:00 PM
Thanks, I think. Anyway it’s more owner’s manual than poem.
Re: Children of Wolves by Caducus	7-Aug-06/11:49 AM
Sylvia Plath, her life after death lived in her two children, her husband hearing the wolves at night – it must have been a baby-step to 'life after death.' You nailed it where she birthed another her. “It,” referring apparently to the baby is common usage, but degrading I think, where “she” would better serve.
Re: a comment on Forest by the Sea by Dovina	7-Aug-06/5:52 AM
Rodin sculpted a man sitting, thinking, which I would not have thought related to a boat tethered to its dock on a fine day for sailing. But maybe we think too much, while real mariners are out on the water. I like that comparison. Thanks for the comment.
Re: a comment on Nights in the city of Godiva by Mr Pig	5-Aug-06/9:22 AM
To Stephen Robins, it is pretentious to use any phrase, which is not colloquial in certain circles and seen by them as smutty, fantastic, and original. It cannot be expected that he will any day soon become articulate. Yet, it is possible that after a discipline of long evenings reading good literature, he might advance a step or two toward the tragic enchantments of CLS.
Re: a comment on A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove	5-Aug-06/8:36 AM
To answer your question, we do not write poems about the atrocities of radical Islam because we are all bleeding liberals who oppose Bush. To say that they are scum in need of obliteration is simply not politically correct. To say that it’s likely we have to kill ten innocent people in order to kill one scumbag is simply not acceptable. In my poem, should I write one, the number would be 100. it’s the way war has always gone.
Re: When Gravity Unmakes You by Enkidu	3-Aug-06/5:07 PM
The gravity image seems awkward in this setting, since gravity would drop the person rapidly into the fire. And why would the devil object to the "game"? I'm voting 10 only to balance the obnoxious Edna.