regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jul-07/9:45 AM
Bolo is a tie or slang for Bolshevik. What other meaning would make sense of this? Do you mean wolves or wolf's? And what reference is there for "beast of war"? Then there's that old rock-tossing machine, the trebuchet, coming in at the end. Still, with all these difficulties, I get a feel for what you're saying, and like it. I shouldn't do this, but I'm voting a 9.
Re: bacardi, tall glass, lots of ice, diet coke by Skamper	11-Jul-07/9:50 AM
"mighty" is just there to get a lucky 7, it seems. In what way is water frosty?
Re: Blanket Weed by Christof	11-Jul-07/9:57 AM
I think you can lose "First." Comma after water. The green fleece image for a fish stuffed and mounted on the wall works well, but the complex way you develop it will leave some readers wondering what you mean.
Re: On and On and On by MacFrantic	11-Jul-07/10:08 AM
Yes, it's an undisciplined rant. But I like: So I'm a disaster A miserable hackneyed bore And my mind's a whore Describes a "poet" writing to please masses.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jul-07/4:47 PM
The process of writing this kind of poem is in answering the question, “What is it that I feel?” Expression through art is an exploration of your experience. But instead, you have tried to make an emotion fit a category. If you want to express the terror that something causes, for example, you should not give it an epithet like “dreadful” for that describes the emotion instead of expressing it. Descriptions express emotions only in the sense that they clarify by generalizing. They groups a particular thing together with other things of the same general sort. Expression, by contrast, marks the distinctions between different things that might be described in the same way. To express your anger is to clarify it in all its particularity. The poet, grappling with a certain emotion says, “I want to get this clear.” She does not want a thing of a certain kind; she wants a certain thing. I could have handed you the cliché, “Show, don’t tell,” but that would be doing the thing I’m asking you not to. I don’t know if any of this interests you, but it has helped me to know how I feel about it.
Re: Coffee House Adjacent by Enkidu	13-Jul-07/8:49 AM
I think it would be stronger with fewer words. "then to" "to each other" "there is" - What do these add?
Re: Song by Christof	17-Jul-07/3:25 PM
"elocuted bitterness" is a nice expression, but I balk at believing that anyone would think that under this circumstance. The rest is nice.
Re: The Time-Winder's Lullaby by PsydewaysTears	17-Jul-07/3:29 PM
How can a sin know anything? Otherwise nice.
Re: Dying Candle by cheese.doodles	22-Jul-07/7:33 PM
A good metaphor for something, but what? I can think of several twists. As it stands, you only describe the dying candle.
Re: The End of The Deathly Hallows by John Rambo	22-Jul-07/7:34 PM
Potter is overblown! A good way to get kids to read though.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Aug-07/9:59 AM
I think your attitude may grow younger; I hope so. So keep pressing the strings, making the chords less clumsy, and unlike most people as they age, keep forgiving. Oh, yes, try to make you poetry less clumsy too. Best of luck.
Re: Beggar by MacFrantic	4-Aug-07/10:03 AM
Please stop writing about this woman on a bicycle, crossing America coast to coast, now three-fourths of the way from Virginia to California. I can relate to much of the sentiment in this. What are you riding?
Re: To a Grunting Man on the Train by Christof	4-Aug-07/10:07 AM
I am with you until the last three lines. The ending switches topic too much and is unclear.
Re: Mosaic by Caducus	4-Aug-07/10:12 AM
Do you really need two "holy"'s? The first verse is a riddle - 4 generations I think. The last two lines are great. Thanks for making me read Psalm 34 again.
Re: Sadist by PoetryIsDead	4-Aug-07/10:13 AM
Good title for this.
Re: Under the rain by Prince of Void	8-Aug-07/7:53 PM
One of your best.
Re: Passive Birth Control by http://mulberryfairy	24-Aug-07/3:30 PM
You use some unusual words: devotement (devotion, perhaps); devout as a noun (but it works); redounded (a more common word might do better). Overall, it's a novel thing and therefore good.
Re: Foreign film by richa	24-Aug-07/3:37 PM
Enjamb if you want to, but I think a period is needed after flickering. Perhaps a title about subject matter; I know it's a film, but does that really matter? I think the second verse is better than the first because of the nebulous fascist reference.
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Aug-07/8:13 PM
I like it all but the last line. It seems too obvious.
Re: Life by Joi	26-Aug-07/8:21 PM
It starts as description and ends as sermon. I think it would be more compelling to describe the feeling for those in need rather than telling us to do it, what it's like to soar through life rather than saying we should soar.