regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jul-04/7:50 PM
Drive on, Bro!
Re: Southern Mississippii Standstill by wilco	16-Jul-04/1:53 PM
Very sensual, pleasing.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jul-04/11:58 AM
Ambiguous, since "proof" could go either way. Why not "He" in the first line, or even leave out "recently" as redundent. Is "battery of" needed?
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jul-04/12:01 PM
Title: Exploitation.com
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jul-04/10:38 AM
Good. I'd take out "the" before sun in two places, and "murders of crows"?
Re: Countdown by TearsOnRoses	18-Jul-04/10:43 AM
It seems the numbers are there to rhyme, unless I'm missing something. Last two lines are good.
Re: Veins of spilt wine. by SupremeDreamer	18-Jul-04/2:57 PM
I have crafted poems which have puzzled me in time, became paradoxes and riddles I had not intended. But rather than becoming “convinced of their insignificance . . . or . . . stigmatized by capricious alienation,” I have sometimes reveled in “subtle intricacies [that] emerge incognito from tense silence.” - maybe some of the things in verses 2 and 3. Verse 4 starts to turn this thing around, and verse 5 has the great line, “Thoughts stem from an undertow urge to be the victim.” But rather than nod to the value of the poem’s transformation as it merely sat there, the last verse maintains “a ghostly-grim humorist suffocated by pessimism.” The last three words are pivotal, and I’d like to see them change.
Re: Nothingness of The illusion by Prince of Void	18-Jul-04/4:02 PM
Sometimes it's less painful to think of a person who hates us and with whom we have to live as an illusion. It's not ideal, but useful. Try a : after "The only thing he found out"
Re: Never Ceasing to Amaze by wilco	19-Jul-04/10:10 AM
How else can we keep four or five of you on the string at once?
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jul-04/10:16 AM
Nicely said, and by one who can also do the form if desired.
Re: Walking in a field by donmiguel1960	19-Jul-04/11:32 AM
It's a funeral in verses 1 and 2. But when daughters laugh, I wonder. Verse 4 doesn't seem to follow.
Re: The Two Temperaments of Man by dougsoderstrom	19-Jul-04/12:13 PM
Verse 2 is both puzzling and intriguing because either statement could apply to either of the positions in Verse 1 depending on how you look at it. Verse 3 "as human beings" Verse 4 states your position on the matter, and seems best left out. You might want to classify this as Prose Poetry.
Re: Knowledge has such high demands by Torok	19-Jul-04/12:40 PM
Verse 1 needs a look at the wording, "possession" The rest is pretty good.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jul-04/3:09 PM
Boxcars like coffins returning from war, good.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jul-04/9:26 AM
Good to see you shuushin again. Not being a linguist, I'll not get out the big magnifying glass, and avoid attack.
Re: I dreamt a white Black widow by INTRANSIT	20-Jul-04/9:41 AM
Funny! Women rule.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jul-04/9:51 AM
Nice, touching. The title is a confusingly inscribed welcome mat to puzzle over and then wonder what it means.
Re: Feeling Like A Mask by wilco	20-Jul-04/2:39 PM
Might want to scratch "Feeling Like" from the title. "I’m masquerading as someone who loves you." "Not technically lies." Good lines.
Re: Flying things by INTRANSIT	22-Jul-04/11:42 AM
I haven't read Carl Sandburg's poem and should before commenting, but I had to laugh at the wrecking ball because it's what I think I need around here half the time and then say, no it's the other half I stay for.
Re: Wholes: the year in reflection by impert&ent	23-Jul-04/10:34 AM
As you slip Between the lines - good line.