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Flying things (Free verse) by INTRANSIT
I'm reluctant to draw my pen because I know its deadliness, and with one prick I could bleed you down or scrawl on a bathroom wall as I fought a dying feeling I shouldn't have. Yaw set in the moment I arrived. I hoped a little more right pedal and time might set things straight. As we took off from Jeffco airport I was temporarily taken to the beauty of the earth and forgot about the internal confusion. I was intrigued by the fallen trees and rusting hulks on the farms and we touched down at the chicken farm and I'm sure the farmer knew about "The red wheelbarrow" and you had no idea. And all I had for the rest of the day was my quietly impressed incessant wandering. Even when Eric arrived the Yaw did not abate. I watched your cute pilot trainee, sandwiched between you and your wife, cover for the both of you, the air drenched in arrogance. I sat wishing for gumption but tact and diplomacy are a too tight wool sweater on my naked skin. And I'm neither Allen Ginsberg nor Jeremy Handrinos, But how I wished I could just stand up and pull something from my mind heavy and concentrate like a wrecking ball and swing away levelling everyone at the table. The yaw never waned. If it weren't for the last minute trip to the book store and Pablo Neruda, the day would have been a waste. Finally I let you go and drove to a place to sleep and got none. All night feeling my legs aching in atrophy, and all that kept running through my mind was the vision from the air of that dead god split triple-trunk-tree that fell in a perfect "Y". "The red wheelbarrow" is a poem by William Carlos Williams

Down the ladder: Russian absinthe

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Weighted score: 5.1490035
Overall Rank: 5263
Posted: July 22, 2004 10:11 AM PDT; Last modified: September 27, 2004 5:53 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 | 22-Jul-04/11:42 AM | Reply
I haven't read Carl Sandburg's poem and should before commenting, but I had to laugh at the wrecking ball because it's what I think I need around here half the time and then say, no it's the other half I stay for.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.147 > Dovina | 22-Jul-04/12:02 PM | Reply
If there's ever a place....this be it.
[10] god'swife @ 209.178.164.208 | 22-Jul-04/12:16 PM | Reply
Fine poem. I would have to say your writing is possibly the most improved on this site. If there was a prize for that, I would definitely nominate you. That said;

You change tense in the second stanza- 'I could bleed...' 'as I fought...' It's either 'I bled...' or 'as I fight...'.

I can't understand how your using 'weaponry' are you saying the pen's weaponry(where weaponry is used as an adj.) or are you saying the pen IS weaponry(where weaponry is used as a noun)? I don't think that word is working for you. 'Because I know it's (violence, murder, tendency, thirst etc...)'

Shouldn't it be 'MY reluctance' in the first stanza?

Otherwise I think it's perfect. A nice economy of words.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.147 > god'swife | 22-Jul-04/2:24 PM | Reply
And stanza 7 is wacko too. I would vote for richa, personally. thank you though. P'ranker helps keep me up to date somewhat while I play catch up on the road. Neruda is groovy. Just picked up some Kerouac and some Baudelaire. We'll see where it goes.
[9] Bachus @ 24.130.62.63 | 23-Jul-04/12:49 AM | Reply
you're high, weaponry... lol, you should see me PEE IN the snow.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 149.174.164.67 > Bachus | 23-Jul-04/7:12 AM | Reply
What the hell are you talking about!? You can't pee in the snow!
All you wind up doing is dragging it around in incomprehensible circles! goof.
[9] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 | 23-Jul-04/3:11 PM | Reply
Try "fight" in line 9
[9] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.168.232 | 25-Jul-04/7:56 AM | Reply
Good stuff, and I can relate to some of whats said, old friend. Blessed with nine, good luck and sharper pen points.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.116.70 | 27-Sep-04/5:56 AM | Reply
My apologies to all. I have committed the most henious crime of attributing a poem to the wrong poet and will now don the Wellingtons of shame, size: clown.
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.218.59.231 | 27-Sep-04/7:01 AM | Reply
Is the last line- "The red wheelbarrow" is a poem by William Carlos Williams- part of the poem? I think the poem makes more sense without it.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.100.197 > Dan garcia-Black | 27-Sep-04/10:19 AM | Reply
are you suggesting I delete the informative line only, or the line in quotes as well?
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 67.122.15.131 > INTRANSIT | 27-Sep-04/4:07 PM | Reply
Just the info line. The rest of it is wonderful.
[9] sliver @ 63.190.64.14 | 27-Sep-04/1:36 PM | Reply
Where ya bin? Haven't heard from ya in a while. Thought maybe you drove your truck to Cuba or something. How'd you get the plane down at the chicken farm?
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.146 > sliver | 27-Sep-04/3:11 PM | Reply
Nope. Not cuba. Just Baltimore.
Big chicken farm. Really big. Supports three state area.
Helicopter.
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